what a difference a day makes...

Yesterday, I was seriously sure I needed to turn in my Mommy license and look for a new job.  It was another trying day with my little boy. 

I'd decided to lay down the law... I told him that there were no more warnings, no more begging for second changes, no more back talk and no more threatening moves (taking a fighters stance or raising a fist to me in warning).  Each infraction would earn him a demerit.  Before leaving the house, he had 2... he earned 1 more in Target afterschool...  then at speech therapy he earned 2 more... and one more in the car ride home arguing with me. That's 6 demerits in one day.  [For the record 3 demerits = a lost of privilege... and it takes 2 merits to erase a demerit(!).] 

I also had a somewhat disheartening conversation with his speech therapist.  Since I've been struggling with some of Sean's passive-aggressive, regressive behavior, I inquired whether any of this was related to his speech.  In my mind, I'd linked the two.  In some ways, Sean may be socially immature because he doesn't play with other kids as much and is more reserved in school and isn't there to socialize [isn't that a major arguement against homeschooling?  How will your kids be socialized... well mine's in a great school and it's apparently not happening there either!]. Because Sean's speech issue is due to articulation, not speech delay  (which is a physical issue vs a cognitive issue), it can't be blamed for the present challenges.

Translation... back to the drawing board.  To be clear, yes, I'm talking a lot about the challenges I'm having with Sean's behavior, but overall he's really a fantastic kid.  I'm not willing to accept disrespectful behavior, so I'm trying to find the most efficient and effective way to manage this phase he's in.  By the end of the day yesterday... I was just at a loss.

My friend Julie's daughter has presented her with similar challenges and she told me yesterday, that consistency and not backing down were the best method.  So instead of abandoning the demerit system today, I held fast.  Sean did pretty well.

He argued with me at pick-up time, that I had not told them we were going home to clean up after school today.  Sammie told him that I had, so at least I wasn't fighting the "Mommy's crazy" battle with both of them.  I clearly, calmly laid out that it didn't matter whether I told them yesterday or  not, it's what we're doing when we get home.  He wasn't happy but he was holding his tongue a bit better. 

Once we got home, I set them up with snacks while I wrote up checklists for them follow.  He still wasn't happy about and was giving me some sass.  I gave him a demerit... was about to give him a second one, when I realized, he didn't understand what's going on.  I (again) calmly told him, "I'm giving you the checklist so you can be responsible for getting your things done.  I'm treating you like a big kid.  Show me that you can do this." 

Well, he showed me... he did all his "jobs" in half the time alloted, helped Sammie with hers and stopped to hug me along the way.  It was like a new kid...

So, I'm sticking to the demerit system.  I still think it will work.  Also, I'm realizing, after talking with the speech therapist, that it's possible that his peers are treating him like a little kid because he talks like one.  So he has a huge desire to be recognized as a 'big kid.' I need to stop banging my head against a wall (figuratively speaking) and provide him with more guidance on social cues that he's maybe not getting from his peers because they maybe think he's "beneath them." 

I guess I need to be consistent, not assume every little incident is the end of the world and show my boy how to be a big kid and ultimately, a real man (one who tells is loved ones how he feels, joyfully  helps out around the house and can contribute to this world instead of running around with a sense of entitlement). And for the record, Sean's behavior and attitude earned him 2 merits and canceled out his demerit.