I've been debating what to say and whether or not to blog about this... but since I can't get the images out of my head... I thought maybe this would help.
On Saturday morning, Steve got up to go to the bathroom and upon returning to be found Sean lying in our bed in the midst of a seizure. There's no other way to describe this other than it's the worst thing I've ever seen in my life. Granted, I live a pretty sheltered life so I haven't really seen that many disturbing things.
All manner of horrible thoughts went through my mind. I wondered if Sean was having an allergic reaction but knew there definitely hadn't been any milk in his food for the last 12 hours... seemed too long for him to be reacting to milk. I had Steve call 911 while I prayed over Sean.
Anyone who has known me for longer than 5 years knows this is probably the most unexpected reaction from me. In that moment, I knew nothing else except the words, "Hail Mary, Full of Grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of they womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death." I kept my hand on his chest and just kept reciting the Hail Mary. Well, I may have known our phone number, because I remember shouting that at Steve. I also remember thinking, please don't let the words "hour of our death" be prophetic here.
Slowly, Sean's breathing stopped from being a sucking sound to a more even breathing. But as his eyes started to focus again, he couldn't get control of his muscles. He wanted to push himself up and roll over, but he couldn't. I pushed him over. I could see he was still trying to move, but he seemed so unable to move himself. It crossed my mind that maybe he had MS.
I made eye contact with him... and asked him if he could talk. He nodded and I asked him to say a Hail Mary with me. He sounded as though he had cotton and marbles in his mouth. I thought "maybe his tongue is swollen, please don't be like this forever."
Steve began to talk to Sean and I ran off to grab my glasses upstairs... I had no idea what time it was and I couldn't see anything past about 3 ft clearly. My friend, Brigette asked me what I was doing, as I flipped on the lights to the front porch and opened the front door. I told her I couldn't see... I needed my glasses... I think she followed me upstairs and I think if the situation hadn't been so blatantly serious, she would have teased me for grabbing a bag and stuffing pant, socks and a shirt for Sean in them. I think she asked me what I was doing... and I said Sean needed clothes.
In what seemed like forever, because I also took time to put on some more appropriate clothes. I looked outside and Summit Township Fire Department Rescue 1 was pulled up in front of my house. I couldn't figure out why they didn't pull up the driveway and why they weren't running (perhaps, it was the inch of icy snow on our driveway?!). They came in and headed straight back to the bedroom. Oddly, here is where my recollection of things goes fuzzy. I recall giving them some basic information-- allergies, age, name-- but can't recall if they actually checked him out.
Shortly thereafter, Jackson County Ambulance (JCA) showed up and they passed off Sean's care to them, after confirming we did indeed want to go to Allegiance Hospital to get checked out. I'm pretty sure I said, "Hell Yeah!" when asked. As I ran around grabbing my purse, putting on shoes, a coat, and grabbing my cell phone, the EMTs got Sean ready to take Sean into the ambulance. I have no idea how they propped the door open, got the gurney in the house, and got Sean on it... but I just followed them out the door-- apologizing for being mostly in my PJs and not shoveling the sidewalk yet. [I dunno what I was thinking on that one, because really who cares about that stuff in that moment?]
Once in the ambulance, Sean started to get nervous. His speech wasn't quite where it should be but he was more "with it." He was worried about shots. So I asked the EMTs if he would need shots... they were honest and answered with a "Maybe." They wanted to do an IV in his arm, so Sean and I said a "Hail Mary" and an "Our Father" (with a pause for Sean to scream when they put the needle in). We then rode to Allegiance with the lights on, but without sirens. I pointed out things along the way to keep Sean engaged... look there's Dr B's house, look there's St Mary's. And I laughed a little hysterically when the EMT asked me how I was doing... If he wasn't passing out sedatives, why bother asking. But I was okay-- he probably thought we were crazy religious or I was suffering from a massive hysterical event. I think I was somewhere in between, definitely religious and a little hysterical (but keeping it together for my little boy). Well, in that moment, I think I was crazy religious... I could feel God's presence in the sense that, I just knew it was okay, but I wasn't going to take any risks. Those Hail Mary's brought peace to me instantly. In this case, crazy is a good thing!
Once at the ER, Steve appeared out of nowhere (I guess he was right behind us and he was miraculously dressed. I'm not sure when he had time --he explained his superman trick later-- apparently when I was chatting with Summit Twp FD about Sean, he slipped into the bathroom and pulled on some decent clothing).
The EMTs passed us off to our Nurse and Nurse tech, giving all of Sean's info.
I've been to Allegiance ER after having Sean and having possible blood clots in my leg (it was muscle fatigue from labor and delivery-- don't ask how I hurt my leg!). This experience was much better. We went right to our room, which was clean and bright. They talked to Sean and us with sensitivity, they kept calm, they assured us, that if Sean had a seizure his behavior (glassy eyes, sleepiness, and general out of it-ness) was very normal and not to worry if he wanted to sleep.
They took blood, Xrays, hooked him up to all the monitors and offered us coffee or water! It took a bit to get him into the CT but they let me stay in the room with him... I promised Sean I wouldn't leave his side or be right outside the room. I started to make phone calls to my mom and older sister and texted with Brigette to cancel the party she came out to attend-- and was really glad for FB on my phone!
It took about an hour to get a response back from the CT, but they discharged us after having consulted with the pediatric ER Dr at U-M. We had instructions to contact the pediatric neurology new onset seizure clinic on Monday.
It was a really unfun experience that was made pleasant by knowing Steve and I were acting in the best interest of our son, knowing that Sean was going to be okay (I recall saying to Steve, while Sean zoned out on Spongebob, that if Sean has seizures, we can deal with that... we just need to know what we're dealing with...), the awesomely calm and professional Summit FD and JCA EMTs, and the great staff at Allegiance ER.
I also would not have been quite as calm if Brigette hadn't been there to take care of Sammie without me having to figure out what to do with Sammie as we left for the ER. And all my friends praying for us.
I was feeling a little down on St Mary's being the right place for us after somethings that happened on Thursday, but it was all wiped away knowing that it was where we need to be right now. Where God is calling us to be. I'm not sure what he's telling us right now regarding the seizures, except stop, smell the roses, kiss your babies and take nothing for granted. Since I don't really get subtlety, I guess I needed to shoved into the rosebush and get a few scratches.
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