Happy Festivus 2010!

Happy Festivus everyone!

Today has been an absolute blast and since I figure I won't have time to blog in the next 2 days, here's a wrap up of how our Festivus celebration turned out.

We started the day with disappointment, which seemed kind of appropriate-- you see no one really wanted to clean the house. But to me, getting the house cleaned up before Christmas was pretty much my main goal here and in some ways, linking it to Festivus made it fun for me.  Mostly because I knew what was in store for everyone else this evening.

The kitchen table was piled with stuff and the great room looked like demolition Sammie had gone through. And demolition Sammie had gone through (she's my loveable little Tasmanian Devil!).

At 9:45 am, we all met in the livingroom for a "family meeting" to outline the scope of our cleaning project.  My goal was to get things cleaned up room by room and I posted Post-It notes with tasks for each room on the door or near the light switches (for rooms without doors). The kids started claiming tasks and let me know by putting the post-it's on their chests.

But I quickly realized, the house was in such a state of disaster, that we would need to start with grabbing trash and belongings first.  So each person got a plastic grocery bag to collect trash in and a paper bag with their name on it, to stash their misplaced belongings: those things that didn't belong whatever location they were found.

My little shortcut finder, Sammie, grabbed her bag and started going from room to room.  My little literalist, Sean, began counting items and arguing how many items he had to pick up.  Yes, instantly Sean was pushing back and pushing my buttons.  Steve, was unfortunately busy trying to set up the entertainment center... so he missed the mouthing off.  I was trying to ignore the behavior rather than deal with it.  I was picking my battle and the battle of the day was I wanted a clean house.  To make my long story shorter... Sean and I had to be separated and in the afternoon the kids had to go play outside or at a friend's house so we could get things done.

Around 5:00, I realized the dishwasher was not cleaning well, which meant, instead of watching the Seinfeld episode, "The Strike," Steve was on his hands and knees repairing the dishwasher.  I'd post a picture, but he was emulating a plumber and it's not quite all it's "cracked" up to be.  So I rearranged our party schedule and we decorated the Festivus cake  instead.

Again, Sean took off in a huff when I got upset with him for jamming the M&M decorations into the cake (up to his knuckle)... don't know why he couldn't understand that no one would want to eat a cake that he stuck his finger in.  And I'd like to point out... those are Easter M&M's in the cake... they have bunny ears on them!  How very Festivus of us!

After waiting, patiently, for Steve to finish fixing the dishwasher (which btw, he did!! LOVE HIM)... we settled down to watch Seinfeld. Sammie spent the first 5 minutes inquiring, "I thought this was about Festivus?"  To which I had to explain that this wasn't a documentary but if she waited all would be explained.

As soon as the airing of grievances was explained... Sean was SOLD on Festivus.  In fact, when I  told him after the show was over to wash his hands and I witnessed a Festivus Miracle... clean hands:

We sat down to dinner of crockpot Picadillo and Basmati rice... the kids (as a treat) each got to drink soda at dinner.  And in homage to the dishes not being clean yet and it being Festivus... I went to paper plates for dinner. 

Sean happily volunteered to air his grievances first, then Sammie... Steve had the idiocy to declare he had no grievances (I admit, I'd had half an alcoholic beverage, which for me is like 4 drinks for a regular person... I shouted: BULLSH*T!).  He finally shouted over the kids, I'm tired of you not listening.


I aired my grievances as well, but I have to admit... there are no pictures of me tonight.  I decided not to get all festive and I'm wearing my comfies (MukLuks, yoga pants and one of Steve's old T-shirts... I don't look so great!).

Sean was, in a word, hilarious during dinner.... he was trash talking about the wrestling match with Steve.  He actually said, "You're going down like there's no tomorrow."  This kid was seriously GEEKED about wrestling his Daddy... and the next thing I knew, Sammie was threatening Steve too.  I started to get a little worried, because they were getting quite worked up.  As soon as dinner was done, I threw away the dishes and the kids ran to the living room to practice wrestling.  Sean insisted he needed to take his shirt off and be barefoot so he could stand his ground.  I'm wondering a little if he gets up late at night and watches WWE or something.

Sean was wailing on and rolling around with those pillows for a good 15 minutes... Steve let him work off some aggression in hopes that he wouldn't get hurt.  Sammie grew tired of the wrestling practice and, predictably, resorted to pole dancing.

Well, she was really dancing with the pole (and I'd like to point out to my friend, Karen, that it's planted in a Market Day Popcorn Chicken box).
We decided to go from youngest to oldest when wrestling Steve and he kindly let all of us individually wrestle and pin him.

Sammie took a running start and attacked him from behind.

 

Sean went at him with this crazy boxing stance.  

I admit, I pretended I needed a drink of water and sneak attacked him from behind, unfortunately, he locked his elbows and refused to collapse.  Lucky for me, the kids jumped on me and hurt me, so when he took pity on me, I swiped him from the side... he went down on his side and wouldn't roll onto his back.  I also admit to biting him to get him to roll over so I could pin him (shhh... the kids don't know that).  I never said I'd wrestle fairly in the Feats of Strength.  And I'll probably blame the daquiri tomorrow.

We declared Festivus Festivities at and end... mostly to get the pole out of the livingroom so no one ended up impaled.  We popped the ORIGINAL Tron movie (special edition, no less) into the DVD player and we're all fascinated by "Innovative CGI" and the deliciousness of store bought cake!

And when asked if we should do this again, Sean said, "Ohh You Betchya!"

Festivus is coming...

My house is a mess... my hair is in a pony tail... I'm looking pretty scrubby.

That's okay... because I'm OFFICIALLY on vacation as of right now... I'm heading off to my weekly stress-relieving Dr appt in a bit... and then off to Jackson ONLY private member's only spa.  Otherwise known as... my parent's GIANT bathroom (I swear I'd post a picture but my mother would be appalled to have her bathroom online). 

I'm going to take another one of my BIG, LONG, UNINTERRUPTED bubble baths... I don't care if you call... I'm  not answering. 

All of this is in preparation for... no not Christmas... but FESTIVUS.  I'm off for a few hours of silent contemplation in prepartion for tomorrow night's airing of grievances. 

Now, it may seem a little silly to you that a nice girl like me would be getting into Festivus... but we've had a LOT of crummy moods swimming around this house (along with the mess).  I thought it might be a good idea to get out all the grumpies... no gifts, nothing special, just an airing of grievances, a crappy store bought cake (though this girl LOVES the Pepperidge Farm chocolate layer cake), and I am looking forward to wrestling my husband.

Okay, so that probably sounds inappropriate, but those who were around 19 years ago know that Steve and I did not start this relationship on a normal path.  Nope, I don't do anything normal anyway... we started with this silly, childish, kick, slapping, knocking over (a bit like puppies playing) path... how we ever ended up in a real relationship is quite unfathomable to me.  In some ways, wrestling him is like reliving my youth or our youth I should say. And I'm damn confident that I will pin his sorry ass to the floor and bring Festivus to an end.  Sorry big guy, but you know I fight dirty. 

Anyway... tomorrow is going to totally be uneventful... we're cleaning the house... we're putting up the Festivus pole. [Note: Steve found an old, black, bent-up ALUMINUM broom handle in the garage... instant Festivus Pole]  I don't want to give too much away... but just so we're clear... nobody's invited... well okay, I did just invite my sister-in-law via text.  You can see how important this is to me... I don't give a shit and that my friends is what Festivus is really about.

So if you've had it and are dreading Friday and Saturday (which by the way I'm not, I just don't want to carry over all the crappy attitudes into CHRISTmas and the New Year)... I invite you to join me with your OWN Festivus celebration.  Let me know how it goes... I promise to blog how mine it goes.

Overachievers... UNTIE!

Yes, I know that's a "typo"-- maybe if you keep reading you'll realize why.

Good news FIRST... the Dr's office called and my B12 level is up and I can back down to 2 to 3 weeks on my injections.  This is GREAT news... means my stuff is working. 

I'm fighting off a cold and if there were any obvious signs that I'm back to my "OLD" self again... here it is...

Right Now:

• tonight's dinner (Beef Stew) is in the crockpot and an apple pie is chilling right next to the crockpot
• tomorrow night's dinner is marinating/defrosting in the fridge
• Saturday night's dinner is also defrosting in the fridge [NOTE: Steve is in charge Friday night's dinner or that would probably be in some state of preparation]
• My sheets are in the dryer, my towels are in the wash
• I've taken part in a conference call for work
• I've skyped with my little sister while she waited for her husband to arrive at the restaurant (in Tanzania) while I put away my laundry
• I've cleaned the kitchen
• gone grocery shopping
• taken my daughter to school (buh bye!), and
• put in my day's work for the offfice

A month ago, this would have been 3 days worth of work...  and I'm right now I'm sick.  I'm not even a quarter of the way done with all the things I want and feel and can do today... including playing a game with my kids afterschool.  I have to admit... I've been multi-tasking like a maniac today...  and I am pretty sure I'm running a low-grade fever. 

I'm somehow wired to do more than is reasonable, or expected, when I feel sick... like I need to go into overdrive to compensate for feeling cruddy and grumpy.  I'm sure by 5 pm tonight, I'll be feeling wiped out... achy and grumpy times 10.  I'm sure I'll feel as though I've earned it with all my overachieving. I'm sure Steve will want to plant my face in the snow (right after he eats a big bowl of beef stew).

Right about now is when I need to untie myself from the bonds of overachieving.... (hence "Overachievers UNTIE)... I definitely need to slow down and smell the coffee (which I totally would if I could breath through my nose right now!). 

Dirty Dishes

Today feels like a "dirty dishes" kind of day.  And one might wonder what does a dirty dishes kind of day feel like?

 Perhaps the image will help....

This is the mess that greeted me this morning.  Last night, I was too lazy to clean out, reload and run the dishwasher. No one took out the trash or cleaned up their breakfast dishes. Of course, where they would have put said breakfast dishes is beyond me. 
Any "normal" wife/mother would have done these things.  If not last night, then first thing this morning.  Well, I've never claimed to be normal and I work from home.  So like everyone else, I (after snapping a photo), I walked right past the mess and into my office. 

Upon opening my e-mail (my contractor's account to my place of employment expired and was inaccessible for almost 48 hours), I was greeted with an e-mail that looked a bit like my counter top. It should have been an easy fix, but since we just rolled out a new process yesterday, I needed to do some cleaning up before I could move forward.

I'm just going to be upfront about it... I don't feel like cleaning my own kitchen up... why would I want to deal with a mess at work.  [Oh and in case no one filled you in on my personal philosophy... my family comes first and the kitchen is the most important place to have clean] So you gotta figure, if I've allowed it to go to "hit by a tornado" look over night... I'm completely lacking in all motivation!

To top things off, I called to reconfirm my lunch plans with a friend and since she was feeling equally "Blah" about it, we rescheduled for next week.  A day perhaps when we would not sit and look at each other wondering why we left the cozy comforts of our home.  Unfortunately, my mom caught wind that we were meeting up at the mall and asked me to pick up a book for her.  Alas, I think I may have to head out there anyway.

So here I sit, debating... now that my lunch meet up with at Mommy-friend was cancelled... with the extra time on my hands do I:

• blog?
• clean up the kitchen?
• head to the mall anyway?
• all of the above?

To be honest, my choice will probably be "all of the above."  Not because I feel particularly motivated about anything, but rather because, I know I'll be a basket case coming home at 5:30 after Sean's speech therapy and walk in to be greeted by the visual explosion that is my messy kitchen.  I feel obligated to pick up that book for my mom (which means at some point, I also have to go to her house and drop it off...). The chilly air outside and the dusting of snow (probably hiding some ice) is not helping matters at all.

While I've taken the time to blog, the fairies have not shown up to clean the kitchen... better roll up my sleeves and take care of business.

Miss Me Yet?

After a long haitus from the blog... I thought I'd catch up with everyone again.  I realize some know about what a "great" summer I had and how fall wasn't going to let summer out do it... but most of you don't know what happened.

It turns out that my getting ill in June happened again and again over the summer... I lost a huge amount of weight, mostly because I wasn't eating and what I did eat, didn't sit well.  In September, I went back to the Dr one more time and said, okay, something is wrong.  My Nurse Practitioner (NP) agreed and next thing you know, within a week, I'd had and EGD (that's down the mouth) and a colonoscopy (that's up the... well you know) and a boatload of blood work.  I was tired, frustrated and getting spiritually weary.  I'd laid awake many nights feeling ill and worried about all the things that still hadn't gotten done and still won't get done the next day... and to get myself to fall asleep, I'd recite Hail Mary's, Our Father's and the Doxology (i.e. Glory Be). 

After having a  NP, a chiropractor and a gastroenterologist, the only thing we've found measurably wrong with me is a very low B-12 level. That is to say, I do not have cancer, a brain tumor, or anything else life threatening.  Well, I suppose untreated, B-12 deficiency can probably mess me up severely, but I'm not dying or anything.  I started taking bi-weekly shots and retested only to find it had gone down below very low to deficient.  I'm now giving myself weekly B-12 injections.  The good news is, I learned a lot this summer and fall:

• I don't have to do it all and no one was actually expecting me to; 
• I married the most amazing man for ME... and while I was questioning why he was still hanging around (and many friends explained that he loved me), he apparently never did;
• My kids are capable and willing to do far more than I'd asked them to and I'm now learning to teach them to be more independent people [huh, they can put their own laundry away? they can do dishes?! they can dust and vacuum?!?!]
• My parents are AWESOME and helped out all over the place!
• I have an amazing support system of local friends and family to people spread all over the country... one friend, in particular, seemed to call almost daily to check up on me [Thanks B!]. Those that found out later or during the crummy summer/fall on record were, like my friend Angel in a previous post, upset that I had not called upon them.   
• In fact, most of this did not hit home with me until the kids went back to school and all my St Mary's Mommy-friends caught wind of my "misery" and offered hugs, listening, and help where needed.  Not one single on of them judged me-- and if there were people judging me, I didn't hear about it so they probably are not my friends and I don't really care!

 The sum total of all of this is that things are back on track AND I'm not going to whine about it any more.  I've finally realized I have my happy place (St Mary's), my happy home, and my happy family.  Oh yes, and my butt does look good in these jeans!  And you can feel free to comment on it! Oh and I hope to blog all about how wonderful and weird my life is more often than every few months. 


BEFORE:


I think my butt is in Indiana...







AFTER:




 I fit in between the cars in the garage...

Still Surviving

Today is a sad day for us here at the Ulicny household... though I titled today's post, "Still Surviving,"  I have to be honest and admit one of us didn't survive the summer:  Steve took our 14 year old cat, Tiger, to the vet to be put to sleep this morning.  I've been distracting the kids with TV and video games and taking phone calls outside, so they won't see me cry.  On a brighter note, when the mice and chipmunks use our garage and crawl spaces this year, I can put out poison; I can now have house plants and flowers with complete disregard to their toxicity to cats; and I can probably breath easier as the cat hair/dander gets eliminated from our house.

But the rest of us, we're surviving... Sean's fully recovered from his surgery, Sammie's recovered from having 2 teeth pulled, I've got good days and bad days, and Steve hasn't run from us screaming.  [If I were keeping points on our marriage, Steve has definitely worked off those nights of going to the bar with his buddies and leaving me home alone early in our marriage.  He's definitely gone above and beyond.]  To be honest, who WANTS to merely say, "I'm surviving"? Not me!  I want to be thriving and I've spent a whole bunch of the summer trying to get to that point... but when you're feeling a little down, every little thing feels like a kick in the butt, instead of an inconvenience.

I've been down about my little sister moving to Tanzania... I promised to e-mail her daily, but who wants to see "I miss you..." in their inbox every day?  In fact, most days, I keep skype turned off, so she doesn't have to put up with my grumpiness.  Not having the option of talking to her whenever I feel like (regardless of the fact that I probably wouldn't call her everyday anyway), is just so frustrating.  And never mind that I could call my other sister, she's awesome (and I do talk to her more frequently than before) but it's not the same.  My sisters and I are all very different... I know that Celianna is not using me as a substitute for Natalia, either.  On a brighter note, Natalia being gone has made me realize how close we are, despite the distance. 

In addition to that, my job gets more complicated and frustrating each day... next week, I'm attending some meetings that hopefully will make the process we use go smoother... but I've resolved myself to expect things to get easier for others and more complex for me.  Essentially, that's what happened the last time.  (oh and in fairness, there are others that share my pain at the complexity, so it's not just "poor me," there's a "poor us" involved).  In fact, I don't even expect that when a new component is built into the system to handle the stuff I do, that it will get better for me.  It also doesn't help, that essentially, I'm going in to the office on my kids last week of summer vacation and my parents get to have a fun time with them instead. On a brighter note, at least I'm being asked to participate in the process improvement... must mean they value my input.

In just 10 days, Sean and Sammie will be back to school-- while I'm looking forward to having my work hours all to myself and uninterrupted, I'd definitely be lying if I said I was looking forward to watching them file in to school with their classmates.  In fact, if I had any confidence in my patience and teaching skills, I'd be seriously considering home schooling this year.  [And for those who do home school, do not take this the wrong way... I'm just not a home schooler -- well at least not until completely backed into a corner by our educational system, which for us so far has been working out.].  To be quite honest, this summer has had so much, "In a minute..." and "Maybe later" responses from me to my kids, that I feel a bit of a failure.  On a brighter note, Sean says he doesn't want to go back to school because he'd rather play video games all day.  I will take that as a vote of confidence.

I've always kind of dreaded Fall and the change it brings.  Growing up, it didn't just mean back to school, it usually also mean a whole new set of friends, since many had moved away (or I'd moved) over the summer.  And as a kid it was never easy, but I had to just let friendships go.  This year, I'm looking forward to the changes... I'm hoping the crisp air will cool some hot headed-ness going on around me, that the colorful sunrises and sunsets will inspire me a little more than usual, and that shaking things up a bit will work out in my favor.  And if nothing else, the cooler weather will be an excuse to dig out the jeans and slacks that are stuffed in the back of my closet and now fit me again.

When Giving In Doesn't Mean You've Given Up...

One thought that has been circulating through my mind the last 24 hours as I recover from a bout of stomach upsets that lasted 4 days... When is giving in not a sign of having given up? As my life has gotten crazier and crazier the past few months, I thought, as each new item piled on, "something's gotta give."  What if what had to "give" was me?
I mean, being a mom/wife/sister/daughter I spend a lot of time GIVING of myself... but I'm not talking about that kind of give.  I'm thinking more along the lines of a reed in the wind.  If the reed doesn't bend, it will snap. To be honest, I have not bent enough with the wind that's been blowing and fear I may have already snapped in some many ways.  I have "snapped" at my husband and children, my mother and father and likely my friends too.  I have backed off of some of my responsibilities, but I did not give anything up.  For each "responsibility/commitment" I backed off of, I tripled the amount of guilt I felt.  Instead of feeling less stressed by not needing to do something or be somewhere, I felt emotionally and physically worse because I had let someone (not that I could name who) down. 
As a Catholic, I enjoy the privilege of absolution through confession-- but not once, despite an amazing confessional experience in February, did I release my guilt and blame and sense of failure.  As I ponder what "giving in" means, shouldn't I cut myself some slack here?  So far, not much of a chance until this past Wednesday.
After sending my kids off to my parents house because my stomach had again rebelled and taking a long nap, my phone rang and it was a friend I hadn't talked to since February or March. [For privacy's sake, let's call my friend Angel.]  Angel was calling because she hadn't heard from me in a while and she knew from the moment I said, "Hello" that her call was much needed.  I was feeling down and out from lack of food, sleep and general  well-being.  As I verbally "barfed" the past 3 months of my life out at her, she just listened... periodically interjecting comments like "Well of course you're worried about Sean's surgery, it's scary"-- maybe some would say she was stating the obvious... but to me she was saying "I hear you AND your feelings are valid"  and when I had exhausted all of the information of the past three months, she took a deep breath and gave me a good lecture. 
Now, when I say "lecture" please don't misunderstand that she was giving me a tongue lashing, what it was more like was a personal sermon.  She talked to me about love and humility... like so many conversations with her in the past, not only did things make sense but I was listening and making connections.  Angel didn't just talk about how much my family and friends loved me, but  brought God into the picture and talked about God's love and needing to accept that as well.  Probably why I am calling her Angel, because even though the words were her's and the syntax and lilt was her's, I am most positive that the inspiration was divine.  She knew to call me on that day and knew what I needed to hear.  It was not a sunshine in the wrong places" kind of needing to hear, but rather an"illuminating the dark places" kind of needing to hear.  Trying to quantify in words what happened between Angel and I on Wednesday afternoon is difficult and I'm sure I'm muddling it all up.  So I'll move on or rather back to Giving In.

I've found myself giving up all kinds of things in the past few months:

• those vital Mommy-Friend meet ups in coffee shops and diners, 
• posting updates on Facebook because I couldn't quantify how I was feeling and  thought that if I wasn't projecting awesomeness and perfection no one would want to know
• family time because I was too tired to give them any more of my physical time

But never once did I give in and go with the flow, each thing that was added to my schedule, list of tasks/priorities,  or obstacle (Sean's allergies and pending surgery) has filled me with fear.  I have taken on more and more and done less and less.  That's NOT how it's supposed to work.  Less work = Less Stress, right?
I reached the point in the past few weeks, when lying awake at night that I did something I thought I would never find myself doing... praying desparately to Mary.  I've said more Hail Mary's(and Our Father's) in the past few weeks than I have in my entire life.  And I firmly believe to the core of my being that Mary answered my prayers last Friday-- because it took me getting so physically ILL that I couldn't care for anyone else.  If I was a factory assembly line, we're talking complete shut down for repairs.  I was forced to Give In and relinquish command.  What happened next proved that giving in did not mean giving up.
My first instinct was to cancel the dinner plans and anything non-vital scheduled for the weekend, but my husband got out of bed, a lot earlier than he prefers, and took over. 
Of course, it took several people to replace me: 

• On Saturday My mom got my kids ready for their dance recital and took them to the recital location at the appropriate time; both my mom and MIL helped make salads and clean up after dinner.  
• On Sunday, my husband did laundry (washed, dried and folded) to prepare for the upcoming week. 
• On Monday morning, he dropped us off at my parents for the day. While my mom watched the kids, my dad took me to the  Dr. 
• On Tuesday, my parents took the kids again and left me to my own devices. 
• When  I felt worse again on Wednesday, my parents & husband rallied once more. 

Are you getting the picture yet?  I get sick and it takes 3 people working together to do my "job." And that's just the Mom job--- the paid job, that went to the wayside and I realized there was no way for me to feel guilty about it, I couldn't sit up at the computer and work.  My boss would just have to adjust (turns out, almost everyone I work with is at a conference this week, so my lack of feeding the process was not going to have a big impact!!!). 
It's clear to me now that I have to give in more... I have to bend and adjust and not be angry that life isn't fitting the "prime time/major network TV-perfect" image in  my head.  Life is not perfect or safe, but I have a great life and apparently an amazing support network.  Instead of feeling like I'm giving up (as in quitting), I need to give in to life and start living. 
Okay, this is all big talk for a small gal (well, I'm not small, but I have lost weight being sick!)... but I'm hoping you will all keep me honest and accepting of God's and my friend's/family's love with humility.  Help me give in to life and accept it for what it is... imperfectly wonderful. And remind me that self-deprication is not humility,  it's a nasty bad habit and I need to stop!

I will survive...

Well... after I reached the point in the day, yesterday, where I knew Natalia and Brian had left Michigan and were headed towards Africa... I felt a kind of relief.  Not that they were gone (NO WAY), but more that the good-bye-ing was over for now.  I'm again happy and excited for them and I'm trying to use that joyfulness to my own advantage.


I actually cleaned out my linen closet and bedroom yesterday.  Yes, there's much more that needs cleaning (as in basic maintenace) and way more that needs CLEANING (as in declutter/dejunking)... but it's a start.  I know have a little corner of peacefulness carved out. 

Also, Steve and I had a brief talk today and I've decided to relocate my "office."  When Steve was re-hired by ProQuest after the layoff at Kellogg and I was on maternity leave, he bought a fabulous desk set on clearance (it was the floor model) at a furniture store that was closing.  It's hardly ever used, it's covered in dust and piles of unfiled papers... so I've asked him to clean it up (this weekend!) and relocate my computer, printers, and file cabinet of work stuff-- so I won't be in the dark corner of the guest room any more.  I really should have an office space and some peaceful space in my home.  If I posted a photo of my current office space, it's just this hodge podge room... and if I posted Steve's office it would probably horrify you that a room can look like that!  I probably should post before and after shots... so you guys can all say-- wow, what a better work space.  Think of it as going from a cubicle to the corner office-- the rooms both have windows, but presently, my back is to the window and in the new space it will be off to the side.  Plus with the size of the desk in Steve's office (it will be a shared space), I'll actually have a desk top to lay my notes out on... instead of having things piled on the printer next to me because the desk top is soo small.  I'm looking foward to this... can you tell?

I also really felt the love yesterday... it was nice that all my Facebook buddies touched based and even a few people called.  I even appreciated the couple of people who nicely made no eye contact with me the first half of the week, because they knew I was trying to hide my tears.  I have to say, I did NOT appreciate the person who said, 'Why the hell would your sister move to Africa of all places..." because a) she doesn't know Natalia and  b) if you have to ask, you wouldn't understand the answer.  And it was (IMHO) rather insensitive to say so, just hours after my sister left.  In case anyone's wondering... the whole, if you can't say something nice, say something ineffective is a much better tact (as in "wow, that's really far..."  it's non-committal and kinda stupid to say... but it least it doesn't hurt my feelings and gives the impression that you might possibly understand that it sucks to have people so far away). 

Well, it's Friday Night, movie night... and I have a book to finish reading (I borrowed it from Sean's teacher and I really should return it before summer vacation starts!).

Oh, btw Sean's first school play was today and it was a-dor-a-ble! I took pics and will eventually get around to downloading off my camera-- hopefully after my office is relocated (this weekend-- yeah, like anything happens that fast around here!).

You were always on my mind...

So lately, I've been waking up at what I thought was 4 am... turns out it's more like 3 am... hmm could this be why I'm so tired?  Of course, like most moms, I go to bed with a list of things on my mind, wake up with another list in the morning.  The new twist is the waking up in the middle of the night with a new, sometimes relevant, issue on my mind.  Last night, it was... does Jackson Coffee have some kind of blended Lemonade drink, because Natalia wants to go there?  Seriously, this actually keeps me awake at night.

So tonight, I'm trying a new tactic... Blog it out.  Here's what's on my mind people.
June 3: Natalia  and Brian leave for Tanzania. Pray for their safe trip, safe arrival, safe EVERYTHING in TZ.  And a miraculous answer to being able to call when the mood strikes.
June 4:  Sean's class play... will he remember his lines... will he speak clearly? 
June 5:  Neighborhood garage sale-- should I pull my shit together and sell some stuff for extra money or screw it and read all day?
June 5: Kyle's birthday party-- can I drop my kids off at the neighbors house, because I don't think I feel like chatting with everyone.  I mean, I love Jenny and I totally want to hang out, but as much as I've sobbed this week, can I stand it.  And if one more person says, "You look good, have you lost weight?"  I may cry more.
June6:  Boy Scouts event-- okay, do I really have to remind Steve and Sean to go?
June 7:  Sean's field trip-- Steve's got it on his calendar to meet them, so I don't have to remember this too, do I?  (nice that the teacher is letting him chaperon once they get to Ann Arbor, so he can go and Sean can get his wish to have a parent go on a field trip fulfilled).
June 7:  No baseball-- Dance recital dress rehearsal.  Probably a late night-- try not to stress about the costumes and the make up... but I'm seriously worried that I can get Sammie's soft hair to do what it's supposed to do (Princess Leia style buns... wth?).
June 9: Baseball at night-- Okay, I'm responsible for dance, can I JUST let Steve take them and get a night off... not to do laundry or dust, just to take a nap for a few hours between school and bedtime?
June 10:  Field Day-- uhm, can i attend this without blowing off work too much and will my kids get eaten alive by mosquitoes?  Seriously, I'm so bailing on baking cookies... it's just not in me.  And hot dogs... ech, not today!
June 11:  Last day of school-- definitely have to attend the awards ceremony-- not that my kids are getting any or anything but it's just something I have to do... there goes work.
June 12:  Again no baseball... Dance recital at 2 pm.  MIL & SIL spending the night-- oh shit do I have time to work and clean the house somewhere in here?
June 14/16 & 19: No school, no VBS, no boy scout camp (sorry, kids, Mommy's DUN!), but we've committed to baseball and that's ALL we're doing.  Oh and we're responsible for juice and snack on the 19th!
June 24:  Sean's surgery... adenoids & tonsils, possible tubes.  I'm worried about the needles (he hates needles), I'm worried about the surgery, the anesthesia, the post-op recovery... oh and my favorite NURSE will be in TZ, but I'm hoping she'll consult via e-mail or something.  Steve's off and MIL is watching Sammie for the day.  My parents will be in VA and bringing the cousins up for  a visit.
Theoretically, here's where I breathe a sigh of relief, but as mentioned, the cousins are coming for a visit and my Mom likes to pack in a lot of FUN and bonding, instead of just chillaxing.  So we'll see how that works out with Sean recovering, Sammie going insane from boredom, Steve home and me possibly taking a nap in here somewhere.... all while working from home and maintaining (exceeding?) my minimum work hours and having work coming (which it ebbs and flows without my ability to control it).
For my sanity's sake, I'm not even going into the big sis & hubbie  coming for the fourth, Steve's fishing trip (over my birthday weekend), the camping trip/family reunion, Sean's birthday, our anniversary... all coming up in July. Well, that's the highlights of July I guess.

I know, I know... all moms are busy... I just feel like a hamster on a wheel right now... only theoretically, the hamster is running and managing the speed of the wheel themselves.  Isn't it all supposed to slow DOWN in the summer?  Where are those lazy days?  Oh and at what point did I sneak in a call to my gal pals just to chat about their lives without sounding like a stressed out lunatic?

Oh, and note to self, if Sammie dances in the fall-- I'm so not having classes on Monday EVER again... it's just too much at the beginning of the week. [Dear Mrs. Ladwig, please do me the kind honor of scheduling an Intro Ballet class at 4 pm on Thursdays and reserve a spot for Sammie... better yet, make it 4:30! PS, I wish i could keep my little boy dancing, but he's done for now... maybe we can convince him to come back in a few years for football or baseball conditioning... any chance you'll consider Sports Conditioning for Athletes?  He might do it if wasn't called "ballet." I know, I know... silly question! PPS... have I told  you lately, even though I'm in pre-recital panic, that I love Academy of the Arts! Love, (not) the only Nut ]

A brief vacation?

Can it really be a month since I last had something of great value (ha ha) to say?  Well, lately I've had a lot to say and it mostly involved a lot of tears.  Consequently, I've been keeping to myself a lot more.

Yep... tears... I haven't cried this much since... I don't know. Life has been pretty busy and the underlying theme to everything since Sean's First Communion has been... Natalia and Brian are really going to Tanzania.  I have to admit as they went down the  path to make the move to Tanzania happen, I was a very vocal supporter.  I mean, in reality, how many people can claim their sister & brother in law are out there making the world better? So I was all for it... until the reality of Natalia being so far away hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Maybe I'm pre-panicking because when she left for the Peace Corps almost 8 years ago, I'd just had Sean.  [I mean Natalia was there-- in the delivery room-- with me and was actually the first person to hold Sean.  I (terrible mom that I am) was more interested in having a hamburger and vanilla milkshake prior to bonding.  I'm pretty sure that's screwed up my relationship with Sean for life, but then again, everyone needs to have a reason to go to therapy, right?].  After she left, I really spiraled into a nasty bout of postpartum depression.  In fact, when I found out I was pregnant with Sammie I begged Natalia to come home early, so she could be there again.  The rational side of my brain (which is much smaller than the hyper-emotional side) can see that Natalia leaving had nothing to do with my postpartum depression... but the emotional side of me seems to have linked Natalia's proximity to me to my well-being.  I know, it's simply ridiculous.

However, as my rational side attempts to explain this to the emotional side, it's not going so well.   I know I am absolutely going to miss her like crazy.  My (bff) Brigette pointed out that Natalia is "our rock."  I know that's a lot of pressure to put on her but in many ways, Natalia is just the person I go to when I need to make sense of things or have some sense talked into me.  I aspire to be as loving and giving as she is and she truly inspires me to be a better self.  Can she do this from Africa?  Absolutely, but it will be a lot harder... and well, I'm just lazy, I guess.  I want it all to be easier.

In addition to being very sad about Natalia leaving, I haven't been feeling that great about a lot of other things.  I've been worried about things that are largely beyond my control...and being the control freak I am, that's very very disorienting.  It's lead to me not sleeping well and not feeling so great when I am awake... but I'm a mom and  I've got my family to take care of, so I just push ahead.  I feel like a slug and the house needs a good 3 day long top to bottom cleaning... and I just don't see it happening.  I should just let go and focus on what I can influence... but as (bff) Brigette says, "you've got way too much Tante Tiina in you" (Tante Tiina would be my mom-- but she calls her Tante-- which is Aunt in German).  Yes, I am cursed with my mom's need to be in charge and in control at all times... unlike my mom, though, I can't always seem to pull it together.  In fact, comparatively, I never pull it together quite like my mom... but I sure do a good job faking that it's all pulled together. 

On another note, with all the family excitement of Natalia leaving, it has definitely brought Celianna and I closer.  She's always been my sister, but she hasn't always been my friend and confidant... now she's more and more in that role and it feels right for her to be there.  It's a little odd, because in some ways, after all we've been through over the past 10 years in our own lives, it's like discovering a long-lost sister. 

So, as we enter this holiday weekend, which normally I enjoy having a day to thank my Dad for his service to our country... I'm a bit sad and trying to focus on the idea of "if she doesn't go away, I won't be so happy to have her return" concept.  Now it's time to go put on my big girl panties and stop focusing on the absence of my sister and more on the fact that she'll just be a little further away and I'll have to do math before I pick up the phone and call her!

Happy Memorial Day everyone... stay safe and remember those who gave up their lives so we could continue to live in the land of the Free!

Enough is enough... Git R Done

So I guess it's been a few days... but I've felt like blogging, I just had work to do.  I figured I'd take a few minutes out of my life to do some this morning.  It's an exciting week again here at the Ulicny residence.

• My family is coming into town (starting today) for Sean's First Communion (Natalia & Brian, Celianna/Witek & Anneke& Viktor, Sean's "God Family" Angie/Ralf & Ralfer& Julia)
• Sean will be celebrating his first communion on Saturday
• The 7th book of the House of Night series (Burned) is being released today and it shipped from Amazon yesterday!

I really do have a lot of stuff today, but I'm trying to stay focused and maintain my usual air of complete control.  Only, like some who has a head filled with soap bubbles, Steve and I moved a small loveseat from Sean's bedroom on Sunday.  If I didn't have bubbles in my head, I would have waited until tomorrow and conned Brian into doing it.  Now, I'm back to the leg and back pain thing again.

It started Sunday night with my Restless Leg-type symptoms, which is best described as the sensation of something crawling down your leg and you must shake it off. At first I thought, did I forget to take my medicine (no, I had), then perhaps I didn't drink enough water (yes people, drinking water helps your body function).  No, silly, you moved a couch, your L5 & 6 are bulging again and pinching your sciatic nerve. Oh boy... but I don't have TIME for this and it makes me grumpy to not have my life go the right way.

This lead to a BANNER Monday... Steve barely spoke to me after I got so FED UP with Sammie's late-ness that I left her behind and took Sean to school (So Steve took her-- I knew she was safe and would get to school-- Steve thought I was insane)... then I spent an hour menu/grocery planning at a coffee shop in town to waste some time before my Dr appt (you know that talk therapy I value so much), which was scheduled for 9 am.  At 9:15 am, I confirmed with the receptionist that I indeed had the time right then promptly canceled my appointment, refused to pay for the "missed session" and informed her I was not inclined to reschedule.  This was not the first time he was late and if you've read my FB posts, you probably know, I try to live by the "If you're NOT 10 minutes early, you're late" mantra.  And I find lateness EXTREMELY rude.  Just as I turned to leave 2 minutes later, the Dr arrived at the office.  I turned to face him and, likely with steam coming from my ears, told him I had canceled my appointment, because I was tired of having to wait 15-20 minutes each week (his response "Okay") and that I was not rescheduling. His response, "Okay" and he turned and walked away.  Thankfully, he'd moved away from the stairs... because Lent is over and thinking and acting in ANGER is no longer a holy commitment on my part.  Luckily though 40 days of practicing this mantra has left me with a lingering commitment to sustaining it.

Okay! O- Fing- KAY?!  No "I'm sorry you feel that way"  You're a psychologist in a small town with crap for an economy and I'd think you'd be a little more AFFECTED by a patient leaving.  Oh and as he limped off because of his back injury I felt no empathy!  I wanted to trip him and watch him try to get up... because he'd just cost me 1.5 hours of my life and with the way my back injury goes that was 1.5 hours of focused work before my back takes me out for the count.  And I really did not appreciate the feeling of the "pissed off fat lady" (you know, the one at McD's arguing about an order of missed fries and insulting everyone in their path).

But it turned out to be a blessing... why? how?  Well, I stood up for myself: Doormat NO MORE! should be my mantra.  And the first person I called: my older sister.  Yep this has to be a rare and wonderful thing.  There's been way too much space (emotionally) between us for many years and well... it felt good to reach out to someone.  And she listened to me scream in rage into the phone over the insult and rudeness of lateness and the "okay" !  Call #2 was to my parents, initially just to ask my mom to make potato salad for Sean's Communion barbecue (burgers, no ribs), but my dad answered and asked me how my day was going.  I'm sure he didn't want the (censored) earful he got.  However, he listened! I was really anticipating the "well you overreacted again, Alexandra" speech but I got the "atta-girl" instead.  Amen (Blessing #2).  Then at my Monday "Kaffee Klatsch" (this is a German term for coffee gathering-- which is the best way to describe Monday at Lara's), my friends told me, "You're not boring... he's an ass" and good for you for walking out. Amen (Blessing #3).  Yes, I was thrice blessed by my friends and family!

Am I looking for a new therapist... maybe?  A few good Kaffee Klatsch/Lunch/Girls Nights will probably be just as effective and cheaper.  And now I have time for a good work out. (And yes, I took English and know "and" is not how we start a sentence... my grammar is painful, but  if you don't like it... LEAVE!).

I took me a long time to calm down from this yesterday... and then we had Dance-Baseball night #1.  I made it through with flying colors... relocated my upbeat spirit  and am plowing through.  The coach even moved practice to 6:30 pm, instead of 6 pm.  Games will still be at 6, but we've got a little more wiggle room right now!

And yes, Steve and I had quite the spat last night (well really early this morning)... but we're on the same page.  Was there hugging & kissing... no... Steve holds on to things longer than I do and he's really mad at me for leaving Sammie.  Will he come around... maybe?

I'm also still sticking with Hannah's 5-Minute Mom program (Day 10 today).  We're delving into finances... that's my weakness.  It's a total "head in the sand" issue for me.  But I need to take the bull by the horns and make some important changes and decisions in my life.  If you've got  a minute or two, I'd appreciate a little boost of strength and resolve right now... so if you could say a prayer for me, I'd appreciate it.  Feel free to FB me or leave a comment if you want me to pray for you too and what you need right now.  Just because I'm knee deep in my own "shit" does not mean I can try to pull you out of the muck too!  If nothing else, we can laugh together and roll around in it like pigs in the summertime.

So it's only Tuesday and NatiBo arrive later on  today.  I get to HUG some of the most awesome people I know this week... and that my friends makes life worthwhile.  You get what you expect... and I expected my Dr to be late.  Today, I expected Sammie to be on time and by golly,with the help of chore cards, parental guidance (not nagging), and a timer... she made it with time to spare. Now I've got a bedroom to clean up and prepare for my older sister (who I get to hug on Friday)... meals are planned, groceries are bought... everyone's going  to pitch in and WOO HOO... this week's gonna be a good, good week.

Oh and one last thing... Dear L5 & L6... I'm sorry I'm overweight, had 2 babies and didn't take care of you.  I know you're unhappy and hurting.  I promise to lose weight and take better care of you and all your vertebrae friends.  Today, however, I need a little help getting stuff done.  I love you... and I need you to cooperate.

The Sun is Shining... and I want a Nap

I been reflecting a lot this week on what it is I want out of life.  I often feel like, I charged at life as a teenager and hit my "goals" by 23 and since then... I've just been hanging out and winging it.  Not really the best way to live if you want to feel ALIVE and like you're out there doing something. Only I can't seem to figure out what it is that I feel like doing so I can get passionate and behind it.  SO I thought, just for kicks and giggles, I'd just make a list of things I do and can do okay-- but don't necessarily feel a lot of passion about and see if anything jumps out.

• sewing-- It's fun to make something and accomplish a project... I'm just a little weary of the lack of instant gratification and my inability to sometimes understand the directions (I'm constantly doing dumb things like sewing the wrong parts together or cutting the front of a dress right down the middle).  The question is, do I drop this hobby and be content knowing that if need be I can hem a pair of pants or make a skirt? 
• beading-- I really enjoyed making the custom jewelry for my little sister's wedding last year and I LOVE how when I wear any of it, I feel automatically connected to her and to the happiness that was abundant at her wedding(s).  I have so many beads I now feel overwhelmed by them.  And soo many patterns and ideas about things, that I can't seem to motivate myself to make something. It seems they no longer bring me joy.  
• writing... I'm no pulitzer prize winner, but I always wanted to write a book and I keep wondering, what will happen if I do write a book.  So maybe I should well, write a book... I know my mom would buy a copy (and then probably mock me because that's how we show affection).
• full-time momming-- I love my kids, I like being around them, but working from home and being a mom is really rough, I don't feel like I have the ability to focus on what is important.  Right now, I've got breakfast dishes in the sink because I haven't had time to clean up-- I need to work while the kids are gone... When they're home and I"m not working, I feel like they are in the way of me getting all the stuff done that should have gotten done hours ago, but I was working.  
• Full-time working, part time momming-- well I have no idea how this would work out, but thousands of people do it, so I should be ABLE to do it.  What if I'm actually happier not at home with the kids... does that make me a horrible person?

So uhm, I don't feel like I've answered any questions that I have about my life.  I could blame Hannah (see the April 9 posting)... because I followed her Day 3 instructions and bought a watch that chimes every hour.  Now I'm spending my day, smiling at the start of an hour to remind myself to be happy and joyful... yet today, every time it's chimed all I keep thinking is "Smile, Asshole, you're not getting anywhere"  Is today just one of those hiccup kind of days where nothings going wrong, you just feel inconvenienced?  Big Sigh!

I guess, I'm not really feeling upbeat.  Maybe it's the lack of sleep-- now that Sean's staying in his room (but coming down nearly naked each morning, which tells me he's waking up at night and pulling his PJs off), Sammie has decided to come down each night.  Only Sammie doesn't just crawl into bed with you... that would be too simple.  She's "Fancy Sammie" or perhaps in her last life she was a burro.  She comes down with stuffed animals, blankets, pillows and brings them all into the bed with her.  Steve has taken to shoving her and her stuff at me.  Yes, that's really nice (actually it's disturbing because I can tell he's really mad when he does it).  And her teeny little elbows are soo POINTY.  And I just want to sleep!!!

Who IS Hannah Keeley?

In brief, to me, Hannah Keeley is another mom-- a busy mom-- who has been where I am and acknowledges it.  She's figured out a way to get the chaos under control, pay the bills, get a job, home school her children (not a particular goal of mine, really), and not lose herself or her mind.  To me she's a great resource and touch stone, not just of this is how she DID it but this is how she gets it done...


She's authored a few books and I own them... and they really have led me away from negativity.  Now, please keep in mind that 2009 was one ginormous speed bump in my life... well more like "Bridge out Ahead" and no other ones in sight.  Without going into too much detail, and without seeming like I'm not responsible for my actions, in an attempt to solve one problem in my life, I made a minor change... I went from Lexapro to Pristiq to deal with my depression issues.  It eventually caused a physical reaction that led my nurse practitioner to take me off of it... and when the withdrawal symptoms subsided, I looked around my house and thought, "Dear Lord, have we really been living in this disorganized mess... " Only there was a lot more blame and swearing involved and it wasn't like I noticed suddenly but gradually got this sense of the walls closing in on me.  I was mad, I was frustrated, and it was not pretty to watch at all (yet for some reason Steve is STILL here... the man definitely is working on his corporeal works of mercy... I won't go so far as to say "Sainthood" because that's a bit comical).


So, now we've gotten the house cleaned up, the basement de-junked, but the clutter is out of control and the routines I'd gotten into are permanently hosed... so I'm starting over from scratch again. 

As an alternative to replacing the Pristiq my nurse suggested a psychologist (and you don't even want to know what I think about "talk therapy")... well, turns out... I'm NOT manic depressive, nor schizophrenic, nor even depressed.  Yeah, I'm down a lot, and some days I feel out... but the truth is I'm OVERWHELMED... maybe I was before and have been all along, but according to the Doc... it's lead to anger management issues.  LMAO... anyone every been on the receiving end of one of my outbursts would definitely agree... And the key to resolving that issue is to get a higher frustration tolerance and get my life under control.  Instead of trying to juggle all the balls, let a few drop by the wayside.

So... though I love my kids, 90% of my volunteering at St Mary's is now on hold.  Not that I did a lot but for literal sanity's sake, I had to back off.  I'm slowly rolling back out onto the social scene after a few months of purposefully isolating myself... I didn't feel like I could handle a girl's night out (or a trip to visit family in Chicago).  Because I didn't want to bring my worst self to the event.  Now, you get my "I'm okay... but a little nervous" self... and I'm hoping those who meet up with me can accept that.

Yet, I digress, because, well who is Hannah Keeley and what does she have to do with this... generally speaking, I can blow $20 in a heartbeat, and if you multiply that, simply multiply the heartbeats.  So last week, I invested in Hannah's 5 Minute Mom program... and I'm only on day 4 (took the weekend off because of Sammie's party)... but she's not blowing sunshine into the wrong places, but really shedding a light and guiding me to look at the places I need to look .  And can I just say, I love that she's bringing the bible into it.  One of my hugest commitments right now is to stop shrugging my shoulders and walking away from God but to say, "Okay, I'll do it."

In a time management class I took, the only thing I walked away with was the instructor saying, "You can mow the lawn, or you can have fun mowing the lawn."  In some sense, this is Hannah's attitude, but instead of leaving it at that I feel like she's showing me the yard, explaining what needs to be done, helping me put gas in the mower... but ultimately, she's going to let me mow the lawn my way.  So if you're interested, give it a try... I'd love to hear what you think and how it works for you. [And Hannah did say "You get what you expect, not what you want." and that totally defined Sammie's party... I expected awesome and I got it.]

Phew... what a week

As expected, the week was a banner week and I got exactly what I expected.  Hmmm sounds like Hannah Keeley might be right... but that's a blog for another day.

I didn't anticipate during my last blog that we would have another guest in the house this week... he arrived via e-mail and has spent much time in my purse... Flat Stanley.  And compared to a  normal week in my house... it was a good week to be here.  With the trip to U-M hospital and Sammie's birthday, we may even qualify as not entirely dull and boring.  Now I just need to remember to take him  to church with us-- after all it's over 125 years old and is one of the historic landmarks in Jackson... but back to the aforementioned birthday and UM visit.

The trip to U-M was largely uneventful... but in a stroke of genius, I recorded Sean snoring on Tuesday night... it was far more powerful than my impersonation of him snoring and combined with a description of his nocturnal behavior (claiming to swim and coming down to our room or the living room almost every night) helped them take  him a little more seriously.  His tonsils are not significantly oversized and his hearing is just fine.  Instead, they put a 6 inch scope down his nose to look at his adenoids.   Turns out they are indeed oversized.  Hmmm... well, give me a doctorate and let me start charging for consultations, because that is the outcome I expected.  So... we've schedule Sean's surgery for June 24th... and we're going ahead with the sleep study in May (and probably a follow up in July or August).  His Otolaryngologist is concerned that he's active enough at night that he might need to overnight at the hospital after surgery (which at Mott's Children's Hospital at U-M sounds like a freakin' party-- computers, DS games, XBox in your room?!).  Overall, I'm feeling relieved about knowing that a) I was right, b) he's not completely insane or in need of ADD meds, and c) we have a plan in place so there's a light at the end of the tunnel.  And before you think I'm crazy, no it's not my top choice to have Sean need surgery but knowing that he'll feel better (and sleep better) afterwards does bring me some peace!

As to Sammie's party.  It was a success... and by that I mean, no little girls ended up crying at the party... everyone had a good time and things went exactly according to plan and I mean EXACTLY.

The girls made no-sew felt purses while we waited for all the guests to arrive.  It was an excellent way to keep the girls engaged and not have to pull them back form the madness that ensues when they start goofing around.  In other words, fantastic crowd control. My party assistant, Kelly, took charge of the crafts, which was a godsend, because her patience extends beyond mine.  [And Kelly and I have a reciprocity policy on kids parties and have assisted each other for the last few years, since our kids are the same age, so my time will come].

After the purse making, I left Kelly to finish up the straps on the purses and took the girls into the livingroom  where we read a story.  I haven't read a story to a group of girls in quite a while, so it was fun to get to exercise my librarian skills a little.   I used the book to set the tone for the rest of the party.  We're going to have fun and we just aren't fancy ENOUGH quite yet.

We split the girls into 2 smaller groups and one group went shopping, while the other group decorated a mirror with some gemstones.  Sean was our "shop keeper" and set up the store while the girls were listening to the story.  Each girl got to pack their (newly made) purse with a pair of sunglasses, lip gloss, bracelets, a necklace, a plastic ring, and pink feather boa.  It was fun to watch the girls decide (as though this were a really major life decision) which ring, which sunglasses, etc to pack into their purse.

In case your sense of how anal I am wasn't strong enough... I can't stand it when a little girl ends up crying at birthday party over a silly game.  Consequently, we played pin the jewels on the tiara (pretty much like pin the tail on the donkey, but without a winner).  The girls had fun decorating it and seeing where their jewels and feathers landed on the giant tiara I'd made with glitter glue on a sheet of posterboard.Which lead us right into the highlight of the party:  The 2 layer chocolate Fancy Nancy cake from Crazebake!  Afterwards, we wrapped things up with "Fancy Nancy Says" and opening presents.  The pile of presents compared to the number of people at the party (7 other girls) was huge.  Sammie has very generous friends (and family)! And she's still trying to decide which toy to play with next.

Well, I still have a guest in the house... so I should go be a good hostess (and I don't mean Stanley, I mean my mother in law!). And I had several people with their cameras out (a couple of moms hung out during the party, plus Opa and Aunt Alison), but I have yet to see any of them... so I'll be spending this week hunting down those stray photographers and getting copies.

The Trouble with Kids...

So it's going to be a banner week here.  Sammie turns 6 on Thursday and the much anticipated ENT appointment in Ann Arbor is scheduled for Thursday as well.  And we can't forget that the Fancy Nancy-themed birthday party is on Saturday.  I can't decide who's most excited... me or Sammie.  I think, honestly, it's me.  Probably because I have so many surprises up my sleeve... she's going to blow a gasket.

She knows all about the Fancy Nancy party and the dress up part... but she has no idea about the activities I've planned.  The party is themed, and planned, like a wedding... I'm so anal.  [With good reason... a) I hate kids birthday parties where only general mayhem and house trashing is planned and b) my birthday is in July and we were usually moving or traveling for my birthday-- not a lot of awesome parties!]. In addition to the fantabulous cake being made by Dodi Wheeler of CrazeBake... I've got 2 crafts, 1 game, a "shopping trip" and a story reading planned.  I'd say more but some of my followers are coming and though I'm just dying to tell EVERYONE... I don't want to ruin the fun for them.

Some of the things Sammie doesn't know yet... I e-mailed the radio station and asked them to wish her a Happy Birthday and play one of her favorite songs... Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer.  We'll see if she gets the song too but they are pretty good with birthday announcements.  Listen on Thursday around 7:30 am to K 105.3 to see what happens (yes, you can listen live online AND that's EDT zone).

After our Dr appointments, we are planning to meet Aunt Alison and  Steve at Chuck E. Cheese for lunch.  Okay, confession time... I've NEVER EVER been to a Chuck E Cheese.  So this will probably be either really exciting and fun for me or the last time I ever spoil my kids with Chuck E Cheese.  I figure Aunt Alison and Daddy showing up will just make Sammie's day.  (FYI, Sammie and Aunt Alison have a special bond... it's always been that way... so it will be a big treat for Sammie.)

I'm really, really praying something comes of this appointment on Thursday for Sean.  Not so much because I want him to need surgery or medicine... in fact, I'd really like to avoid both of those.  However, right now... my little boy is miserable!  He's stuffed up and since we just switched to flonase (or the generic, rather), he's had a sore throat and upset stomach for 3 days now.  Sean's teacher pointed out they could be side effects  and they are listed as issues.  Quick prayer that BCBSM will accept the prescription for Veramyst now and consider that he's failed on both nasicort and flonase.  Otherwise, I may just bite the bullet and pay out of pocket.  It's not like I have a choice. 

I stopped in for a quick chat with his teacher this morning to give her a heads up on Sean's sad face, bags under his eyes and slow reaction time.  I didn't want her to think we beat him over spring break.  He forgot to tell me that she had to send Sean to lie down for a while because he didn't feel well yesterday (apparently he was doubled over with a stomach ache).  Have I mentioned yet that I love my kids school.  I LOVE that I can check in with the teachers and give them a heads up... especially since Sean's been off and on different allergy/asthma medications all year.  I love that Mrs. Munie keeps an eye on him and lets me know if he's behaving differently (especially since he forgets to tell me).  And she doesn't think I'm crazy when I say... he's miserable and didn't eat dinner or breakfast... she knows I didn't forget to feed him.  It makes me feel better leaving them at school for 8 hours knowing she isn't going to yell at him for staring into space and not being focused today.  [If I'd kept him home every day he was feeling crummy because of his allergies, he'd have missed all of Sept and October and part of March and all of April... not really an option if I'm not home schooling... which in theory sounds wonderful... but I don't think I've got it in me to work from home, keep the kids home, manage the house, etc and not go insane.  I don't know how people manage to home school but I tip my hat to all of you who manage to do it all!].

And honestly, I was worried yesterday that I was being an over-protective Mom, but when other parents in the parking lot at pick up time are asking your kid, "What's wrong buddy, are you not feeling well?";  and your friends are looking at you during your weekly coffee/homework time and shaking their heads saying "he's just not himself"; followed up by his teacher saying, "I'm so glad you came in this morning... here's what happened with him yesterday... what's going on?"  Then I realize... I'm not crazy, I'm not over-protective and most of all I'm not ALONE.  I'm observant and tuned in to my kid... and if keeping him home and holding him and snuggling him all day would REALLY make him better, it's absolutely what I'd do... right now, though, we're 2 days away from another Dr appt and all I can do is pray that we figure out how to make him feel normal again. 

So you're probably wondering what the "trouble with kids" is... the trouble is they steal your hearts and hold them soo tight it feels like you can't breath from loving them so much.  So this week, while it seems I'm completely heartbroken and frustrated over Sean being miserable... I'm also completely elated and joyful that my little girl is going to be 6 and I get to throw her the best birthday party ever.   So for different reasons, I want to snuggle both my kids this week and the laundry and floors be damned... but the trouble is, I have a life to lead, a home to manage, and responsiblities.  So onward I go. 

The Knife Fight in the Kitchen

So just to clarify there really was no knife fight between Steve and I, but to look at us, you'd wonder what we've been doing to ourselves/each other.  Truth is... we are both amazingly uncoordinated (how we managed to have kids, I'll never know, but it was probably like watching a new genre: romantic comedy- porn).

You see what actually happened was... Steve tried to make a Smorgasbord.  If you've hung out around my place lately, you'd find this is my favorite way to feed the kids lunch or a disorganized dinner.  You see nobody likes leftovers and nobody likes just sandwiches.  My solution has been to pull out the largest  cutting board I have and slice up french bread (or some other hearty crusty bread), cheese, sliced deli meat, veggies and fruit.  Then yell "SMORG!!!" at the top of my lungs and chase the kids around the house doing an impersonation of the Swedish Chef "Bord, Bord Bord... smorgasbord." [Oh, I'm sorry did you think I was normal]... On occassion the smorg will involve leftover chinese food, meatloaf, etc... somehow disguised as foreign cuisine... nobody cares and everyone eats it.  

Before anyone attempts to imagine Steve mimicking that whole scene... He got as far as cutting the bread and slicing cheese.  Unlike me, he got out the cheese slicer (I use my Santuko knife for EVERYTHING)... and apparently it's a really sharp cheese slicer because when he got to the Monterrey Jack cheese, he sliced open his left thumb.  Sadly, this lead to later amusement, because I'd invited my parents to dinner. [more on that later]

Coming to my own dangerous experience... I wasn't even using a knife.  Instead, I was making a modified version of Texas Caviar as a side dish with our grilled/rotisseried chickens.  Upon opening up the first can of beans , I grabbed a spoon to scoop those last few black beans out of the bottom of the can.  Being ever unobservant, I felt a paper-cut like sensation on my right middle finger (yes, there's irony to this too)... and realized I had sliced open my knuckle on the lid to the can.  I diligently washed and cleaned the wound and presented it to Steve for band-aid assistance.  The irony here is, it took me 5  minutes to locate him... he was taking a trip to the dump (ahem, making a deposit... ahem, you know, pooping!)... There are times for privacy and frankly people, I was trying to make dinner  and pick up around the house before my parents came over, so sorry Steve... I barged right in, middle finger in the air... "Steve I need your help..." Well, maybe it's not exactly ironic that I needed help with a band-aid on my middle finger while Steve was pooping... maybe it was Murphy's Law... but overall, it was pretty much par for the course around here.

So we invited my parents for dinner... my parents haven't been to the house since January, because they just returned from 2 months in Florida.  Steve wanted to rotisserie a chicken on the grill and had me buy 2 chickens (apparently the rotisserie is more effiencient that way or some such engineering type explanation). However, there's no way the 4 of us can eat 2 chickens (and leftovers would lead to another smorg, which apparently is very dangerous).  I decided  that my role with the chickens was not to micromanage... I'd offer him what seasoning mixes we have, but the whole prep, cook, cut and clean up was on him.  It actually worked out pretty well.  And here's where I get to take credit... I prevented Steve from using his psychic doneness powers (which tend to detect overdoneness) and gave him a instant-read meat thermometer.  The chicken came off the grill at an internal temp of 175 and rested up to 180... perfectly moist and flavorful!  He wanted to leave it on the grill until it reached 180... has this man NEVER watched Alton Brown?  Thanks to my Food Network addiction, we had some GOOD EATS last night.  Had Steve not followed my instructions, perhaps it was the scary glare I gave him, and the meat had been overcooked, there might have been a knife fight in the kitchen... no not really... but I would definitely have cut him with my caustic sarcasm about how juicy the meat ended up.


So if you're wondering how all this ended up being amusing... Steve kept having to touch the raw chicken, which is partially why I recused myself from the situation... I had no desire to reach inside and "save the giblets!"  He found my box of disposable rubber gloves just for this sort of thing (also mixing meatloaf and chocolate chips into cookie dough... ew!). At some point after arriving (and doing her garden inspection tour) my mother noticed Steve was wearing one rubber glove.  I really wanted to tell my mom some ninja movie watching inspired knife fight had ensued and watch her get all flustered, but Steve jumped in before I could explaining it was a cheese slicer and he didn't want to keep getting his hand wet.  Okay, so maybe not quite amusing but it could have been good.  It did distract my mom enough that she didn't notice that there was a real table cloth on the table and that I'd ironed it.  In which case, I had planned to tell he Steve was getting transfered to North Carolina and we were moving.  Yeah, with Natalia moving to Tanzania...that would have been freaking awesome to sit back and watch!