A brief vacation?

Can it really be a month since I last had something of great value (ha ha) to say?  Well, lately I've had a lot to say and it mostly involved a lot of tears.  Consequently, I've been keeping to myself a lot more.

Yep... tears... I haven't cried this much since... I don't know. Life has been pretty busy and the underlying theme to everything since Sean's First Communion has been... Natalia and Brian are really going to Tanzania.  I have to admit as they went down the  path to make the move to Tanzania happen, I was a very vocal supporter.  I mean, in reality, how many people can claim their sister & brother in law are out there making the world better? So I was all for it... until the reality of Natalia being so far away hit me like a ton of bricks. 

Maybe I'm pre-panicking because when she left for the Peace Corps almost 8 years ago, I'd just had Sean.  [I mean Natalia was there-- in the delivery room-- with me and was actually the first person to hold Sean.  I (terrible mom that I am) was more interested in having a hamburger and vanilla milkshake prior to bonding.  I'm pretty sure that's screwed up my relationship with Sean for life, but then again, everyone needs to have a reason to go to therapy, right?].  After she left, I really spiraled into a nasty bout of postpartum depression.  In fact, when I found out I was pregnant with Sammie I begged Natalia to come home early, so she could be there again.  The rational side of my brain (which is much smaller than the hyper-emotional side) can see that Natalia leaving had nothing to do with my postpartum depression... but the emotional side of me seems to have linked Natalia's proximity to me to my well-being.  I know, it's simply ridiculous.

However, as my rational side attempts to explain this to the emotional side, it's not going so well.   I know I am absolutely going to miss her like crazy.  My (bff) Brigette pointed out that Natalia is "our rock."  I know that's a lot of pressure to put on her but in many ways, Natalia is just the person I go to when I need to make sense of things or have some sense talked into me.  I aspire to be as loving and giving as she is and she truly inspires me to be a better self.  Can she do this from Africa?  Absolutely, but it will be a lot harder... and well, I'm just lazy, I guess.  I want it all to be easier.

In addition to being very sad about Natalia leaving, I haven't been feeling that great about a lot of other things.  I've been worried about things that are largely beyond my control...and being the control freak I am, that's very very disorienting.  It's lead to me not sleeping well and not feeling so great when I am awake... but I'm a mom and  I've got my family to take care of, so I just push ahead.  I feel like a slug and the house needs a good 3 day long top to bottom cleaning... and I just don't see it happening.  I should just let go and focus on what I can influence... but as (bff) Brigette says, "you've got way too much Tante Tiina in you" (Tante Tiina would be my mom-- but she calls her Tante-- which is Aunt in German).  Yes, I am cursed with my mom's need to be in charge and in control at all times... unlike my mom, though, I can't always seem to pull it together.  In fact, comparatively, I never pull it together quite like my mom... but I sure do a good job faking that it's all pulled together. 

On another note, with all the family excitement of Natalia leaving, it has definitely brought Celianna and I closer.  She's always been my sister, but she hasn't always been my friend and confidant... now she's more and more in that role and it feels right for her to be there.  It's a little odd, because in some ways, after all we've been through over the past 10 years in our own lives, it's like discovering a long-lost sister. 

So, as we enter this holiday weekend, which normally I enjoy having a day to thank my Dad for his service to our country... I'm a bit sad and trying to focus on the idea of "if she doesn't go away, I won't be so happy to have her return" concept.  Now it's time to go put on my big girl panties and stop focusing on the absence of my sister and more on the fact that she'll just be a little further away and I'll have to do math before I pick up the phone and call her!

Happy Memorial Day everyone... stay safe and remember those who gave up their lives so we could continue to live in the land of the Free!

Enough is enough... Git R Done

So I guess it's been a few days... but I've felt like blogging, I just had work to do.  I figured I'd take a few minutes out of my life to do some this morning.  It's an exciting week again here at the Ulicny residence.

• My family is coming into town (starting today) for Sean's First Communion (Natalia & Brian, Celianna/Witek & Anneke& Viktor, Sean's "God Family" Angie/Ralf & Ralfer& Julia)
• Sean will be celebrating his first communion on Saturday
• The 7th book of the House of Night series (Burned) is being released today and it shipped from Amazon yesterday!

I really do have a lot of stuff today, but I'm trying to stay focused and maintain my usual air of complete control.  Only, like some who has a head filled with soap bubbles, Steve and I moved a small loveseat from Sean's bedroom on Sunday.  If I didn't have bubbles in my head, I would have waited until tomorrow and conned Brian into doing it.  Now, I'm back to the leg and back pain thing again.

It started Sunday night with my Restless Leg-type symptoms, which is best described as the sensation of something crawling down your leg and you must shake it off. At first I thought, did I forget to take my medicine (no, I had), then perhaps I didn't drink enough water (yes people, drinking water helps your body function).  No, silly, you moved a couch, your L5 & 6 are bulging again and pinching your sciatic nerve. Oh boy... but I don't have TIME for this and it makes me grumpy to not have my life go the right way.

This lead to a BANNER Monday... Steve barely spoke to me after I got so FED UP with Sammie's late-ness that I left her behind and took Sean to school (So Steve took her-- I knew she was safe and would get to school-- Steve thought I was insane)... then I spent an hour menu/grocery planning at a coffee shop in town to waste some time before my Dr appt (you know that talk therapy I value so much), which was scheduled for 9 am.  At 9:15 am, I confirmed with the receptionist that I indeed had the time right then promptly canceled my appointment, refused to pay for the "missed session" and informed her I was not inclined to reschedule.  This was not the first time he was late and if you've read my FB posts, you probably know, I try to live by the "If you're NOT 10 minutes early, you're late" mantra.  And I find lateness EXTREMELY rude.  Just as I turned to leave 2 minutes later, the Dr arrived at the office.  I turned to face him and, likely with steam coming from my ears, told him I had canceled my appointment, because I was tired of having to wait 15-20 minutes each week (his response "Okay") and that I was not rescheduling. His response, "Okay" and he turned and walked away.  Thankfully, he'd moved away from the stairs... because Lent is over and thinking and acting in ANGER is no longer a holy commitment on my part.  Luckily though 40 days of practicing this mantra has left me with a lingering commitment to sustaining it.

Okay! O- Fing- KAY?!  No "I'm sorry you feel that way"  You're a psychologist in a small town with crap for an economy and I'd think you'd be a little more AFFECTED by a patient leaving.  Oh and as he limped off because of his back injury I felt no empathy!  I wanted to trip him and watch him try to get up... because he'd just cost me 1.5 hours of my life and with the way my back injury goes that was 1.5 hours of focused work before my back takes me out for the count.  And I really did not appreciate the feeling of the "pissed off fat lady" (you know, the one at McD's arguing about an order of missed fries and insulting everyone in their path).

But it turned out to be a blessing... why? how?  Well, I stood up for myself: Doormat NO MORE! should be my mantra.  And the first person I called: my older sister.  Yep this has to be a rare and wonderful thing.  There's been way too much space (emotionally) between us for many years and well... it felt good to reach out to someone.  And she listened to me scream in rage into the phone over the insult and rudeness of lateness and the "okay" !  Call #2 was to my parents, initially just to ask my mom to make potato salad for Sean's Communion barbecue (burgers, no ribs), but my dad answered and asked me how my day was going.  I'm sure he didn't want the (censored) earful he got.  However, he listened! I was really anticipating the "well you overreacted again, Alexandra" speech but I got the "atta-girl" instead.  Amen (Blessing #2).  Then at my Monday "Kaffee Klatsch" (this is a German term for coffee gathering-- which is the best way to describe Monday at Lara's), my friends told me, "You're not boring... he's an ass" and good for you for walking out. Amen (Blessing #3).  Yes, I was thrice blessed by my friends and family!

Am I looking for a new therapist... maybe?  A few good Kaffee Klatsch/Lunch/Girls Nights will probably be just as effective and cheaper.  And now I have time for a good work out. (And yes, I took English and know "and" is not how we start a sentence... my grammar is painful, but  if you don't like it... LEAVE!).

I took me a long time to calm down from this yesterday... and then we had Dance-Baseball night #1.  I made it through with flying colors... relocated my upbeat spirit  and am plowing through.  The coach even moved practice to 6:30 pm, instead of 6 pm.  Games will still be at 6, but we've got a little more wiggle room right now!

And yes, Steve and I had quite the spat last night (well really early this morning)... but we're on the same page.  Was there hugging & kissing... no... Steve holds on to things longer than I do and he's really mad at me for leaving Sammie.  Will he come around... maybe?

I'm also still sticking with Hannah's 5-Minute Mom program (Day 10 today).  We're delving into finances... that's my weakness.  It's a total "head in the sand" issue for me.  But I need to take the bull by the horns and make some important changes and decisions in my life.  If you've got  a minute or two, I'd appreciate a little boost of strength and resolve right now... so if you could say a prayer for me, I'd appreciate it.  Feel free to FB me or leave a comment if you want me to pray for you too and what you need right now.  Just because I'm knee deep in my own "shit" does not mean I can try to pull you out of the muck too!  If nothing else, we can laugh together and roll around in it like pigs in the summertime.

So it's only Tuesday and NatiBo arrive later on  today.  I get to HUG some of the most awesome people I know this week... and that my friends makes life worthwhile.  You get what you expect... and I expected my Dr to be late.  Today, I expected Sammie to be on time and by golly,with the help of chore cards, parental guidance (not nagging), and a timer... she made it with time to spare. Now I've got a bedroom to clean up and prepare for my older sister (who I get to hug on Friday)... meals are planned, groceries are bought... everyone's going  to pitch in and WOO HOO... this week's gonna be a good, good week.

Oh and one last thing... Dear L5 & L6... I'm sorry I'm overweight, had 2 babies and didn't take care of you.  I know you're unhappy and hurting.  I promise to lose weight and take better care of you and all your vertebrae friends.  Today, however, I need a little help getting stuff done.  I love you... and I need you to cooperate.

The Sun is Shining... and I want a Nap

I been reflecting a lot this week on what it is I want out of life.  I often feel like, I charged at life as a teenager and hit my "goals" by 23 and since then... I've just been hanging out and winging it.  Not really the best way to live if you want to feel ALIVE and like you're out there doing something. Only I can't seem to figure out what it is that I feel like doing so I can get passionate and behind it.  SO I thought, just for kicks and giggles, I'd just make a list of things I do and can do okay-- but don't necessarily feel a lot of passion about and see if anything jumps out.

• sewing-- It's fun to make something and accomplish a project... I'm just a little weary of the lack of instant gratification and my inability to sometimes understand the directions (I'm constantly doing dumb things like sewing the wrong parts together or cutting the front of a dress right down the middle).  The question is, do I drop this hobby and be content knowing that if need be I can hem a pair of pants or make a skirt? 
• beading-- I really enjoyed making the custom jewelry for my little sister's wedding last year and I LOVE how when I wear any of it, I feel automatically connected to her and to the happiness that was abundant at her wedding(s).  I have so many beads I now feel overwhelmed by them.  And soo many patterns and ideas about things, that I can't seem to motivate myself to make something. It seems they no longer bring me joy.  
• writing... I'm no pulitzer prize winner, but I always wanted to write a book and I keep wondering, what will happen if I do write a book.  So maybe I should well, write a book... I know my mom would buy a copy (and then probably mock me because that's how we show affection).
• full-time momming-- I love my kids, I like being around them, but working from home and being a mom is really rough, I don't feel like I have the ability to focus on what is important.  Right now, I've got breakfast dishes in the sink because I haven't had time to clean up-- I need to work while the kids are gone... When they're home and I"m not working, I feel like they are in the way of me getting all the stuff done that should have gotten done hours ago, but I was working.  
• Full-time working, part time momming-- well I have no idea how this would work out, but thousands of people do it, so I should be ABLE to do it.  What if I'm actually happier not at home with the kids... does that make me a horrible person?

So uhm, I don't feel like I've answered any questions that I have about my life.  I could blame Hannah (see the April 9 posting)... because I followed her Day 3 instructions and bought a watch that chimes every hour.  Now I'm spending my day, smiling at the start of an hour to remind myself to be happy and joyful... yet today, every time it's chimed all I keep thinking is "Smile, Asshole, you're not getting anywhere"  Is today just one of those hiccup kind of days where nothings going wrong, you just feel inconvenienced?  Big Sigh!

I guess, I'm not really feeling upbeat.  Maybe it's the lack of sleep-- now that Sean's staying in his room (but coming down nearly naked each morning, which tells me he's waking up at night and pulling his PJs off), Sammie has decided to come down each night.  Only Sammie doesn't just crawl into bed with you... that would be too simple.  She's "Fancy Sammie" or perhaps in her last life she was a burro.  She comes down with stuffed animals, blankets, pillows and brings them all into the bed with her.  Steve has taken to shoving her and her stuff at me.  Yes, that's really nice (actually it's disturbing because I can tell he's really mad when he does it).  And her teeny little elbows are soo POINTY.  And I just want to sleep!!!

Who IS Hannah Keeley?

In brief, to me, Hannah Keeley is another mom-- a busy mom-- who has been where I am and acknowledges it.  She's figured out a way to get the chaos under control, pay the bills, get a job, home school her children (not a particular goal of mine, really), and not lose herself or her mind.  To me she's a great resource and touch stone, not just of this is how she DID it but this is how she gets it done...


She's authored a few books and I own them... and they really have led me away from negativity.  Now, please keep in mind that 2009 was one ginormous speed bump in my life... well more like "Bridge out Ahead" and no other ones in sight.  Without going into too much detail, and without seeming like I'm not responsible for my actions, in an attempt to solve one problem in my life, I made a minor change... I went from Lexapro to Pristiq to deal with my depression issues.  It eventually caused a physical reaction that led my nurse practitioner to take me off of it... and when the withdrawal symptoms subsided, I looked around my house and thought, "Dear Lord, have we really been living in this disorganized mess... " Only there was a lot more blame and swearing involved and it wasn't like I noticed suddenly but gradually got this sense of the walls closing in on me.  I was mad, I was frustrated, and it was not pretty to watch at all (yet for some reason Steve is STILL here... the man definitely is working on his corporeal works of mercy... I won't go so far as to say "Sainthood" because that's a bit comical).


So, now we've gotten the house cleaned up, the basement de-junked, but the clutter is out of control and the routines I'd gotten into are permanently hosed... so I'm starting over from scratch again. 

As an alternative to replacing the Pristiq my nurse suggested a psychologist (and you don't even want to know what I think about "talk therapy")... well, turns out... I'm NOT manic depressive, nor schizophrenic, nor even depressed.  Yeah, I'm down a lot, and some days I feel out... but the truth is I'm OVERWHELMED... maybe I was before and have been all along, but according to the Doc... it's lead to anger management issues.  LMAO... anyone every been on the receiving end of one of my outbursts would definitely agree... And the key to resolving that issue is to get a higher frustration tolerance and get my life under control.  Instead of trying to juggle all the balls, let a few drop by the wayside.

So... though I love my kids, 90% of my volunteering at St Mary's is now on hold.  Not that I did a lot but for literal sanity's sake, I had to back off.  I'm slowly rolling back out onto the social scene after a few months of purposefully isolating myself... I didn't feel like I could handle a girl's night out (or a trip to visit family in Chicago).  Because I didn't want to bring my worst self to the event.  Now, you get my "I'm okay... but a little nervous" self... and I'm hoping those who meet up with me can accept that.

Yet, I digress, because, well who is Hannah Keeley and what does she have to do with this... generally speaking, I can blow $20 in a heartbeat, and if you multiply that, simply multiply the heartbeats.  So last week, I invested in Hannah's 5 Minute Mom program... and I'm only on day 4 (took the weekend off because of Sammie's party)... but she's not blowing sunshine into the wrong places, but really shedding a light and guiding me to look at the places I need to look .  And can I just say, I love that she's bringing the bible into it.  One of my hugest commitments right now is to stop shrugging my shoulders and walking away from God but to say, "Okay, I'll do it."

In a time management class I took, the only thing I walked away with was the instructor saying, "You can mow the lawn, or you can have fun mowing the lawn."  In some sense, this is Hannah's attitude, but instead of leaving it at that I feel like she's showing me the yard, explaining what needs to be done, helping me put gas in the mower... but ultimately, she's going to let me mow the lawn my way.  So if you're interested, give it a try... I'd love to hear what you think and how it works for you. [And Hannah did say "You get what you expect, not what you want." and that totally defined Sammie's party... I expected awesome and I got it.]

Phew... what a week

As expected, the week was a banner week and I got exactly what I expected.  Hmmm sounds like Hannah Keeley might be right... but that's a blog for another day.

I didn't anticipate during my last blog that we would have another guest in the house this week... he arrived via e-mail and has spent much time in my purse... Flat Stanley.  And compared to a  normal week in my house... it was a good week to be here.  With the trip to U-M hospital and Sammie's birthday, we may even qualify as not entirely dull and boring.  Now I just need to remember to take him  to church with us-- after all it's over 125 years old and is one of the historic landmarks in Jackson... but back to the aforementioned birthday and UM visit.

The trip to U-M was largely uneventful... but in a stroke of genius, I recorded Sean snoring on Tuesday night... it was far more powerful than my impersonation of him snoring and combined with a description of his nocturnal behavior (claiming to swim and coming down to our room or the living room almost every night) helped them take  him a little more seriously.  His tonsils are not significantly oversized and his hearing is just fine.  Instead, they put a 6 inch scope down his nose to look at his adenoids.   Turns out they are indeed oversized.  Hmmm... well, give me a doctorate and let me start charging for consultations, because that is the outcome I expected.  So... we've schedule Sean's surgery for June 24th... and we're going ahead with the sleep study in May (and probably a follow up in July or August).  His Otolaryngologist is concerned that he's active enough at night that he might need to overnight at the hospital after surgery (which at Mott's Children's Hospital at U-M sounds like a freakin' party-- computers, DS games, XBox in your room?!).  Overall, I'm feeling relieved about knowing that a) I was right, b) he's not completely insane or in need of ADD meds, and c) we have a plan in place so there's a light at the end of the tunnel.  And before you think I'm crazy, no it's not my top choice to have Sean need surgery but knowing that he'll feel better (and sleep better) afterwards does bring me some peace!

As to Sammie's party.  It was a success... and by that I mean, no little girls ended up crying at the party... everyone had a good time and things went exactly according to plan and I mean EXACTLY.

The girls made no-sew felt purses while we waited for all the guests to arrive.  It was an excellent way to keep the girls engaged and not have to pull them back form the madness that ensues when they start goofing around.  In other words, fantastic crowd control. My party assistant, Kelly, took charge of the crafts, which was a godsend, because her patience extends beyond mine.  [And Kelly and I have a reciprocity policy on kids parties and have assisted each other for the last few years, since our kids are the same age, so my time will come].

After the purse making, I left Kelly to finish up the straps on the purses and took the girls into the livingroom  where we read a story.  I haven't read a story to a group of girls in quite a while, so it was fun to get to exercise my librarian skills a little.   I used the book to set the tone for the rest of the party.  We're going to have fun and we just aren't fancy ENOUGH quite yet.

We split the girls into 2 smaller groups and one group went shopping, while the other group decorated a mirror with some gemstones.  Sean was our "shop keeper" and set up the store while the girls were listening to the story.  Each girl got to pack their (newly made) purse with a pair of sunglasses, lip gloss, bracelets, a necklace, a plastic ring, and pink feather boa.  It was fun to watch the girls decide (as though this were a really major life decision) which ring, which sunglasses, etc to pack into their purse.

In case your sense of how anal I am wasn't strong enough... I can't stand it when a little girl ends up crying at birthday party over a silly game.  Consequently, we played pin the jewels on the tiara (pretty much like pin the tail on the donkey, but without a winner).  The girls had fun decorating it and seeing where their jewels and feathers landed on the giant tiara I'd made with glitter glue on a sheet of posterboard.Which lead us right into the highlight of the party:  The 2 layer chocolate Fancy Nancy cake from Crazebake!  Afterwards, we wrapped things up with "Fancy Nancy Says" and opening presents.  The pile of presents compared to the number of people at the party (7 other girls) was huge.  Sammie has very generous friends (and family)! And she's still trying to decide which toy to play with next.

Well, I still have a guest in the house... so I should go be a good hostess (and I don't mean Stanley, I mean my mother in law!). And I had several people with their cameras out (a couple of moms hung out during the party, plus Opa and Aunt Alison), but I have yet to see any of them... so I'll be spending this week hunting down those stray photographers and getting copies.

The Trouble with Kids...

So it's going to be a banner week here.  Sammie turns 6 on Thursday and the much anticipated ENT appointment in Ann Arbor is scheduled for Thursday as well.  And we can't forget that the Fancy Nancy-themed birthday party is on Saturday.  I can't decide who's most excited... me or Sammie.  I think, honestly, it's me.  Probably because I have so many surprises up my sleeve... she's going to blow a gasket.

She knows all about the Fancy Nancy party and the dress up part... but she has no idea about the activities I've planned.  The party is themed, and planned, like a wedding... I'm so anal.  [With good reason... a) I hate kids birthday parties where only general mayhem and house trashing is planned and b) my birthday is in July and we were usually moving or traveling for my birthday-- not a lot of awesome parties!]. In addition to the fantabulous cake being made by Dodi Wheeler of CrazeBake... I've got 2 crafts, 1 game, a "shopping trip" and a story reading planned.  I'd say more but some of my followers are coming and though I'm just dying to tell EVERYONE... I don't want to ruin the fun for them.

Some of the things Sammie doesn't know yet... I e-mailed the radio station and asked them to wish her a Happy Birthday and play one of her favorite songs... Bon Jovi's Living on a Prayer.  We'll see if she gets the song too but they are pretty good with birthday announcements.  Listen on Thursday around 7:30 am to K 105.3 to see what happens (yes, you can listen live online AND that's EDT zone).

After our Dr appointments, we are planning to meet Aunt Alison and  Steve at Chuck E. Cheese for lunch.  Okay, confession time... I've NEVER EVER been to a Chuck E Cheese.  So this will probably be either really exciting and fun for me or the last time I ever spoil my kids with Chuck E Cheese.  I figure Aunt Alison and Daddy showing up will just make Sammie's day.  (FYI, Sammie and Aunt Alison have a special bond... it's always been that way... so it will be a big treat for Sammie.)

I'm really, really praying something comes of this appointment on Thursday for Sean.  Not so much because I want him to need surgery or medicine... in fact, I'd really like to avoid both of those.  However, right now... my little boy is miserable!  He's stuffed up and since we just switched to flonase (or the generic, rather), he's had a sore throat and upset stomach for 3 days now.  Sean's teacher pointed out they could be side effects  and they are listed as issues.  Quick prayer that BCBSM will accept the prescription for Veramyst now and consider that he's failed on both nasicort and flonase.  Otherwise, I may just bite the bullet and pay out of pocket.  It's not like I have a choice. 

I stopped in for a quick chat with his teacher this morning to give her a heads up on Sean's sad face, bags under his eyes and slow reaction time.  I didn't want her to think we beat him over spring break.  He forgot to tell me that she had to send Sean to lie down for a while because he didn't feel well yesterday (apparently he was doubled over with a stomach ache).  Have I mentioned yet that I love my kids school.  I LOVE that I can check in with the teachers and give them a heads up... especially since Sean's been off and on different allergy/asthma medications all year.  I love that Mrs. Munie keeps an eye on him and lets me know if he's behaving differently (especially since he forgets to tell me).  And she doesn't think I'm crazy when I say... he's miserable and didn't eat dinner or breakfast... she knows I didn't forget to feed him.  It makes me feel better leaving them at school for 8 hours knowing she isn't going to yell at him for staring into space and not being focused today.  [If I'd kept him home every day he was feeling crummy because of his allergies, he'd have missed all of Sept and October and part of March and all of April... not really an option if I'm not home schooling... which in theory sounds wonderful... but I don't think I've got it in me to work from home, keep the kids home, manage the house, etc and not go insane.  I don't know how people manage to home school but I tip my hat to all of you who manage to do it all!].

And honestly, I was worried yesterday that I was being an over-protective Mom, but when other parents in the parking lot at pick up time are asking your kid, "What's wrong buddy, are you not feeling well?";  and your friends are looking at you during your weekly coffee/homework time and shaking their heads saying "he's just not himself"; followed up by his teacher saying, "I'm so glad you came in this morning... here's what happened with him yesterday... what's going on?"  Then I realize... I'm not crazy, I'm not over-protective and most of all I'm not ALONE.  I'm observant and tuned in to my kid... and if keeping him home and holding him and snuggling him all day would REALLY make him better, it's absolutely what I'd do... right now, though, we're 2 days away from another Dr appt and all I can do is pray that we figure out how to make him feel normal again. 

So you're probably wondering what the "trouble with kids" is... the trouble is they steal your hearts and hold them soo tight it feels like you can't breath from loving them so much.  So this week, while it seems I'm completely heartbroken and frustrated over Sean being miserable... I'm also completely elated and joyful that my little girl is going to be 6 and I get to throw her the best birthday party ever.   So for different reasons, I want to snuggle both my kids this week and the laundry and floors be damned... but the trouble is, I have a life to lead, a home to manage, and responsiblities.  So onward I go. 

The Knife Fight in the Kitchen

So just to clarify there really was no knife fight between Steve and I, but to look at us, you'd wonder what we've been doing to ourselves/each other.  Truth is... we are both amazingly uncoordinated (how we managed to have kids, I'll never know, but it was probably like watching a new genre: romantic comedy- porn).

You see what actually happened was... Steve tried to make a Smorgasbord.  If you've hung out around my place lately, you'd find this is my favorite way to feed the kids lunch or a disorganized dinner.  You see nobody likes leftovers and nobody likes just sandwiches.  My solution has been to pull out the largest  cutting board I have and slice up french bread (or some other hearty crusty bread), cheese, sliced deli meat, veggies and fruit.  Then yell "SMORG!!!" at the top of my lungs and chase the kids around the house doing an impersonation of the Swedish Chef "Bord, Bord Bord... smorgasbord." [Oh, I'm sorry did you think I was normal]... On occassion the smorg will involve leftover chinese food, meatloaf, etc... somehow disguised as foreign cuisine... nobody cares and everyone eats it.  

Before anyone attempts to imagine Steve mimicking that whole scene... He got as far as cutting the bread and slicing cheese.  Unlike me, he got out the cheese slicer (I use my Santuko knife for EVERYTHING)... and apparently it's a really sharp cheese slicer because when he got to the Monterrey Jack cheese, he sliced open his left thumb.  Sadly, this lead to later amusement, because I'd invited my parents to dinner. [more on that later]

Coming to my own dangerous experience... I wasn't even using a knife.  Instead, I was making a modified version of Texas Caviar as a side dish with our grilled/rotisseried chickens.  Upon opening up the first can of beans , I grabbed a spoon to scoop those last few black beans out of the bottom of the can.  Being ever unobservant, I felt a paper-cut like sensation on my right middle finger (yes, there's irony to this too)... and realized I had sliced open my knuckle on the lid to the can.  I diligently washed and cleaned the wound and presented it to Steve for band-aid assistance.  The irony here is, it took me 5  minutes to locate him... he was taking a trip to the dump (ahem, making a deposit... ahem, you know, pooping!)... There are times for privacy and frankly people, I was trying to make dinner  and pick up around the house before my parents came over, so sorry Steve... I barged right in, middle finger in the air... "Steve I need your help..." Well, maybe it's not exactly ironic that I needed help with a band-aid on my middle finger while Steve was pooping... maybe it was Murphy's Law... but overall, it was pretty much par for the course around here.

So we invited my parents for dinner... my parents haven't been to the house since January, because they just returned from 2 months in Florida.  Steve wanted to rotisserie a chicken on the grill and had me buy 2 chickens (apparently the rotisserie is more effiencient that way or some such engineering type explanation). However, there's no way the 4 of us can eat 2 chickens (and leftovers would lead to another smorg, which apparently is very dangerous).  I decided  that my role with the chickens was not to micromanage... I'd offer him what seasoning mixes we have, but the whole prep, cook, cut and clean up was on him.  It actually worked out pretty well.  And here's where I get to take credit... I prevented Steve from using his psychic doneness powers (which tend to detect overdoneness) and gave him a instant-read meat thermometer.  The chicken came off the grill at an internal temp of 175 and rested up to 180... perfectly moist and flavorful!  He wanted to leave it on the grill until it reached 180... has this man NEVER watched Alton Brown?  Thanks to my Food Network addiction, we had some GOOD EATS last night.  Had Steve not followed my instructions, perhaps it was the scary glare I gave him, and the meat had been overcooked, there might have been a knife fight in the kitchen... no not really... but I would definitely have cut him with my caustic sarcasm about how juicy the meat ended up.


So if you're wondering how all this ended up being amusing... Steve kept having to touch the raw chicken, which is partially why I recused myself from the situation... I had no desire to reach inside and "save the giblets!"  He found my box of disposable rubber gloves just for this sort of thing (also mixing meatloaf and chocolate chips into cookie dough... ew!). At some point after arriving (and doing her garden inspection tour) my mother noticed Steve was wearing one rubber glove.  I really wanted to tell my mom some ninja movie watching inspired knife fight had ensued and watch her get all flustered, but Steve jumped in before I could explaining it was a cheese slicer and he didn't want to keep getting his hand wet.  Okay, so maybe not quite amusing but it could have been good.  It did distract my mom enough that she didn't notice that there was a real table cloth on the table and that I'd ironed it.  In which case, I had planned to tell he Steve was getting transfered to North Carolina and we were moving.  Yeah, with Natalia moving to Tanzania...that would have been freaking awesome to sit back and watch!