General Literary Rambling

Most people don't know this, but what I really wanted to be when I grew up was an author.  I had a head full of stories and was often in LaLa Land... nowadays, my head is more full of medication schedules (did we give Sean his allergy/asthma meds), activity schedules (can I work 4 hours, make a dr appt and still pick up the kids on time?), meal plans (how often is too often to make tacos?), and other day to day dilemmas that plague motherhood.  Instead of writing my own stories, I spend at least an hour or two a day reading the stories other people write. [Note: No, I usually don't sit for an hour or two reading... I read while kids are at dance, while waiting at the Dr's office, while waiting for the kids to get out of school, etc those caught moments usually add up  to an hour or two a day-- and yes, for a really engaging plot line, I will forgo sleep.]

Like much I do in my life, it's both feet in the water, don't check the depth and hope I remember how to swim... so I've fallen into a reading genre I NEVER imagined I would: Paranormal Romance.  In case you're wondering, this is the same category (albeit young adult fiction) that the Twilight Saga is in.  I surreptitiously started with the Twilight Series-- and was amazed and amused to find how many of my friends had fallen into this series (some even falling passionately in love with Edward or Jacob).  But for me, it turns out, Twilight was the tip of the iceberg.  And I must say, like many things, what  lies below the surface can be so much more engaging and interesting that what rests on top.  Imagine having only eaten chicken nuggets your whole life and then being fed a roast duck.  You're either going to love it or hate it.  Well, in a sense, [Amanda if you key my car for saying this, I will know it's you...]  Twilight is the Chicken Nugget of Paranormal Romances.  Yes, there, I said it... I have sampled other poultry and found you cookie-cutter predictable and lacking in flavor.




Presently I'm just shy of halfway through the 5th book of Richelle Mead's Succubus series, Succubus Shadows, and I'm just loving every moment of it.  Mead has a way of taking Judeo-Christianity, wrapping it in intrigue and throwing in a few steamy scenes to make it interesting.  I've fallen in love with her character, Georgina Kincaid, a succubus with a conscience.  What appeals to me most about Kincaid is not that she is a force of hell who gets to have wild sex with complete strangers and steal souls for Hell.  Nope, not it at all, it's that she knows she's no longer  human yet has forged friendships with people and protects them from her true life.  Wait, did I just say I love a character who's a lying slut from hell... well, clearly I need to explain why.  I can see myself here... no, I'm not a lying slut from hell.  I mean I have lied, but I don't sleep around and I'm a little worried about the ultimate destiny of my soul.  There's something about how Mead has constructed the character that gives you hope for Kincaid's redemption.  After all the cast of characters in the book does include Angels.

I realize if it's redemption I'm interested in, then reading the source (i.e. the Bible) would be a good start.  I didn't say I'm not also doing that as well... but I am enjoying exploring the concepts of heaven and hell in a fantastical (as in based in fantasy) sort of way.  Looking at traditionally recognized Judeo-Christian writings such as The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe and the forces of good and evil play out, my wanderings and musings on just what is good and evil and what does this mean for me  are not necessarily giant intellectual leaps. 

I forget now why I called Twilight a Chicken Nugget, but I did say I was rambling, didn't I? Ah yes, now I recall... the Twilight Saga is a well-constructed amusement.  It makes a good movie because it lacks nuance. You can revisit it (either in book or movie format) and discover nothing new.  Like a chicken nugget, it is disposable.  [OMG I'm sorry Amanda... I don't think less of you for loving it so much].  What's truly silly about this pretentious post I've written, is the books I'm reading, while completely engaging to me, will never make the Pulitzer list.

Mad Genius Meets Divine Inspiration...

Does anyone else have flashes of exhausted-Mommy genius in the middle of the night?  I wake up (or am woken up) in the middle of the night with ideas that seem like absolute genius in those pre-dawn hours.  I toss and turn trying to either coalesce the idea or just FORGET it. 


Last night was no exception... around 4 am,  Sean wandered into my bed.  Well, wandering is a polite way of putting it.  I heard him jump out of his bed (his bed is right over my head), pound down the stairs. Then felt him literally bound up to the edge of my bed and dive onto it.  So in a flash of "genius," I asked him "Sean, what are you doing?"  He responded with a disoriented sounding mumble.  I inquired again, "Whatcha doin' buddy?" This time he answered clearly and matter-of-factly, "I'm swimming."

Now, if you're wondering why I considered this a flash of genius, usually I just ignore the guy and try to go back to sleep.  Usually with some half-asleep, mindless  hoping that Steve will take Sean into his room  and back to bed.   The flash of genius is I've never even considered that Sean may have been sleepwalking all this time... that he's not waking up and coming down because of his insane desire to snuggle me and deprive me of precious hours of sleep.  In fact, night after night, he comes down and into our bed, thrashing half the time and  rarely sleeping solidly or quietly.  I've suspected sleep apnea-- but it never occurred to me that there was potentially more going on with his sleep disruption.

Perhaps my flash of insight was a subtle response to my repeated prayer before Sunday mass each week:  "Please God, help open my heart to the blessings of this mass, guide me in my life and help me to be a better wife and mother."   More likely, it was the fact that my mother absolutely pissed me off last night.  When I told my parents that Sean is scheduled for a sleep study at U-M's sleep clinic on May 29th my mother argued with me:  telling me I was being rediculous and why put Sean through this and leave him alone becuase he's fine  [I'm pretty sure a friend has recently had a similar conversation with her MIL about what to do about her child's health/life and is possibly relating to the anger and outrage and WTF feeling].  Anyway... on the way home from my parents, Steve asked me WHY I was doing the sleep study...WOW, thanks for being a parent with me and listening to why I had the pulmonologist go ahead and schedule it (for the record, here it is:).   

We are (as some of you may know) going to take Sean to a Pediatric Otolaryngologist at U-M next week (4/15) [which is fancy for ENT] because I suspect that the source of Sean's sleep issues may be due to enlarged adenoids (which my little sister, his little sister, and I all suffered from).  When Sammie saw the same Dr 2 years ago, she offered us the opportunity to participate in her sleep study prior to surgery, but that Sammie was a pretty clear cut case. It was not required to determine if she indeed had "chronic obstructive sleep apnea" because her tonsils were so large and based on our account of her behavior.  Sean, however, is not such an obvious case.  Time and time again, I've been told Sean's tonsils are not enlarged.  He's a sweet little boy who generally can make it though the day without the rest  of the world knowing he's  a wreck.  He saves it all for us at home.  Aside from age inappropriate temper tantrums,  he's wandering the house at night, has dark circles under his eyes and is diving into my bed more nights than I can recall.  It's also possible that Sean's speech delay (not cognitive, but behavioral) can also be attributed to an ENT issue (this comment was made by his Pulmonologist, I'm not making this up!).  Taking into consideration that Sean may not be as clear cut, medically, as Sammie, I'm getting his butt on the schedule-- has anyone else tried to be a non-emergency case at U-M hospitals-- it's ALWAYS a 6-8 week wait.  If this bumps us up closer to after the ENT visit, then magnificent! I'm doing everything I can prior to the appointment to show, I'm taking my kid's health VERY seriously (and as my sister the nurse said, long term sleep apnea is a major health issue). 

So the point is, if the ENT can find a cause for his potential apnea and not require a sleep study, marvelous... but I suspect that she will schedule a sleep study and the idea that we've already had the allergist AND his pulmonologist point us in that direction lends more weight to that result. Also, I've had a rotten time with our former Primary Care doctor and while part of me has confidence in the ENT (because of how she handled Sammie) there's the part of me that is worried she'll snap at me and dismiss me (yeah, Dr R... you've made me not trust the medical field in general!).

But I've digressed horribly on this topic because my flash of genius did not end with figuring out Sean's dreaming about swimming and possibly sleep walking (this morning, he did remember talking to me but said he couldn't figure out how to describe what he was trying to do).  Sean's bed has had soft, wonderfully comfortable cotton t-shirt sheets on it for YEARS (birth actually)... it's nearly the only kind of sheet we've used.  Have you ever slept on t-shirt sheets? It's amazing, unless  you're dreaming.  In which case, you find yourself horribly stuck in a GIANT wad of fabric.  Could it be, that Sean is dreaming of swimming, running, baseball, etc and tangling himself up in the sheets? Could he be flying out of bed night after night in a massive struggle against the sheet monster (we often hear, "I had a bad dream" as he crawls into our bed)?  Wait for it people, because here's the flash of genius... WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF I PUT REGULAR COTTON SHEETS ON HIS BED?  What if he's  unknowingly coming to our bed because he can MOVE (he kicks A LOT and if you've seen him lately, you can imagine it hurts!)?

Okay, so maybe this flash of insight was part pissed off Mama-Bear behavior and part divine insight and part sleep deprived madness (hence the mad genius meets divine inspiration)... whatever it is, I'll take it. And yes, I'm off to call my mother and see if she has some extra sheet sets she can  loan me and if not... you bet your ass I'm going to buy sheets later!  (Not expensive ones, just solid color, higher thread count sheets).
And for the record... Steve did take Sean back up to his bed last night.

And so it begins...

I'm not really sure why I'm inspired to write a blog... I think it's because of Facebook.

Yes, I know, how can a social networking site... epitome of narcissitic postings... inspire one to write a blog? Well, in my never ending quest to attract more attention to myself, I find the limitations on the size posting to be well... limiting. I mean I can tell you what I'm doing or what is going on or where I am... but it leaves out so much of the WHY... and frankly, it's much more amusing at times to know WHY I am up to what I'm up to... or so I'm told.

Apparently, though I often fail to see what it was that I did, I'm very amusing to people. In fact, I've spent a lot of time wondering if there was toilet paper stuck to my shoe or if, in fact, a large booger is hanging from my nose. Honestly, I'm not trying to be funny... and I don't know why people are laughing. Sometimes, I don't know why I'm laughing... but the alternative, crying over everything isn't helpful either.

So... back to why Blog... well, everyone is doing it. Actually, maybe not everyone, but several people I know or have met and I've literally been blown away by some of the things they've said... mostly because I've had the same thought or the same conversation just recently myself. In a sense, this blog is now my village square. And, unlike FB, you actually have to come here to read it, and it's not served up for you. So if I want to ramble about my kids, my meal planning, my faith, or my Mother... well... you won't be "forced" to read it.

Which leads me to the name of this blog: I thought I was the only nut... [I hope you're following my train of thought, because... uhm... it's not a logical train of thought. In fact, sometimes the train has left and I'm still standing at the station!].

I was chatting (on FB, of course) with my friend Billena (who would not be such a good friend of mine if it weren't for FB-- another long story)... we were discussing the things we do when our husbands leave us alone overnight with our kids to protect. What was funny (as in amusing) about our exchange is that the two of us do the same silly things. Not sleeping, reading all night, keeping a completely useless and ineffective weapon nearby. And Billena remarked "I thought I was the only nutt" (exact quote)... and well... HELL NO... we're all a bunch of nuts. I'm pretty sure my LIFETIME BFF Megan suffers from the same disorder. Honestly, we're not any safer with our husbands home, we only PERCEIVE ourselves as safer. Steve would probably sleep right through our house being robbed blind and then not notice all our stuff was gone.

Now, before we get our panties in a bunch about my disparaging comments about Steve. Clearly, you haven't met him. I'm not disparaging (yet)... he's honestly that unobservant (and a heavy sleeper).

And now I'm to family: I love my family... immensely. I'm not sure I would actually walk through the fires of hell for them (if you ask me in advance), but I would certainly consider it heavily. Hey, I'm honest about my own limitations... but I've also found, when it comes to them, I've made some pretty silly snap decisions. Examples: my mom (who tends towards hyperbole) told me my sister (Celianna) had been having kidney problems and being the closest genetic match, I immediately offered one of my while talking to her. Now, in reality, my kidney was never in jeopardy-- my sister had an antibiotic resistant UTI-- but I didn't know that. I did learn to talk to my sister next time before offering my kidney.

So, if you've made it this far... you may be more serious about this than me... I'm not sure anyone will read it and I'm not sure how often I'll update. Well... here we go... if this lasts... this could be the beginning of a beautiful thing.